Disposable Homes

My Irrational, Hilarious, Horrible Fear of Sharks

2012-02-10T06:04:00.001-09:00

The truth is, my friends, that all the sharks that have ever been alive anywhere exist for the sole purpose of KILLING ME. I mean look:

Photograph: Amos Nachoum/Corbis via The Guardian

ANY MORE DOUBTS?

Seriously though.

I can't remember what inspired it. When I was little, my parents would take me to Croatia for the holidays. There is nothing in the whole wide world that would make me believe that I could get eaten by a shark on a tourist beach, in 6 ft deep water, in the Adriatic Sea. Nothing. But guess what? I still didn't swim out.

When I was really young, I was even scared in swimming pools. Of sharks and octopuses. Right.

Then, Australia. Twice. Magnificent beaches. Who didn't go swimming? This girl. In fact, when I was on Hawaii for two months, the only time I went past waist-deep water was with a marine biologist who explained to me in scientific detail why it was physically impossible for a shark to be in there.

Point made?

I get that sharks are misunderstood and that they're actually pretty awesome peaceful fascinating creatures and yadda yadda but when people try to tell me that I should totally jump into that ocean because Mr. Jaws might have other things on his life bucket list than "destroy Ivy Jelisavac in the goriest most terrifying way imaginable" I have a hard time not thinking they're addicted to virtually every mind altering drug in the cabinet of mankind.

Does anybody else do this? Like, if the water isn't crystal clear I won't even go past knee level. If I'm actually in - say chest deep - and I close my eyes - to, say, try to keep your contact lenses in even though they burn like an expletive because some idiot rando just splashed you with water, I see fins and jaws and blood and horror.

And now that I'm meditating all over the place I could probably get rid of the images with my hulk like mind control but NOT THINKING ABOUT IT WON'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT SENOR SHARK IS ONLY WAITING TO DIG HIS TEETH INTO... I have issues.

You know, I love the ocean. I love swimming. I can't die happy until I went scuba diving, and not only once. I want to experience the breathtaking beauty of underwater worlds and tell everyone how it was the most amazing thing ever.

So guess what my ingenious master plan is? You, my friends, are going to sponsor me a trip with a shark diving adventure. (I can haz cage diving, though? For starters.) Press people! Do this! I'll write about how it changed my attitude and it'll probably be true. Alternatively, I will videotape myself freaking out like a girl and it will be hilarious.

Why I'm Not Going To Iran And Why It's A Pity

2012-02-05T06:24:00.000-09:00

So my plan for this summer was to go poke around Iran for a while because Persian people seemed pretty awesome and I liked their film scene.
Also, I was a major fan of their architecture and art. But then I did some research.

Tehran.

1. NO COUCHSURFING, HONEY

What? Yes. They not only censor the living daylights out of the internet, they will also find out if you found accommodation via a social network and kick you back out so hard you'll be like woah.

And for you, the only alternatives are 3 star hotels that have so sense of atmosphere whatsoever.

2. NO MONEY WITHDRAWAL, HONEY

Nobody wants your credit card or travelers checks and forget about getting your hands on any sort of money inside the country. You have to bring everything you'll need in cash. Given the inflation, that means you'll have to cart a wheelbarrow around. Have fun.

3. NO SOCIAL CONTACT, HONEY

Foreigners are mostly spies. Foreigners with cameras are always spies.

While the people will be excited to chat, if security officers see a westerner talking to an Iranian, both will get into trouble. (But chances are the westerner will be accused of harassment and be busted worse.)

Also, if you're an unmarried female talking to a man, expect to get stoned to death.

They will also monitor every email and text you send home, and probably destroy your post cards.

It's a shame. Because the Iranian people seem to be incredibly interesting and far more open-minded and hospitable than their current government allows. And just look at places like Shiraz and especially Esfahan, they seem breathtakingly beautiful. IT MAKES ME SAD.

I'm not saying that Iran is entirely off limits for travelers - go prepared, and you'll probably have a blast. But at my level of experience and my current travel style, it doesn't seem like the perfect choice. The political situation doesn't seem to be loosing up, exactly, either. But given the revolution going on in many Muslim countries right now, I have hopes... Someday. Someday.

Venice Is Overrated

2012-02-02T09:32:00.000-09:00

What you imagine it will be like

You arrive with your special someone. The city is beautiful and flatteringly lit. You book a nice hotel, have a candlelit dinner, and spend an unforgettable night between the sheets.

The next day, you stroll through the beautiful ancient streets, over bridges, to the canal. You get onto a Gondola, Michele offers his hand, and you enjoy an amazing boat ride. Another nice dinner.

Everybody is gorgeous and sensual. You take hundreds of pictures and everyone back home gets jealous.

What it's really going to be like

You arrive with your special someone. The city stinks like a dead sewer rat and someone steals your belongings before you get to your nice hotel. Said place has leaky roofs and an extremely unhappy front desk lady. You realize your lost wallet wouldn't have made a difference because there would have been no way to afford a room here anyway.

You remember there's a couple hundred bucks in your shoe (smart, you guys) and you manage to find a place where you don't dare to indulge in any sort of nude physical activity because the walls are about to collapse. You hope you don't die and question the purpose of travel in its completeness.

The next morning, you buy yourself a piece of pizza for eleventeen million bucks, and try squeezing yourself through narrow streets whose layout makes no sense whatsoever. Everybody is a tourist and the very few locals are NOT friendly. Or gorgeous. Or sensual. You step on a rat.

At the canal, you spot the gondolas. Michele is a dick and his boat is leaking. He charges you a price I won't even repeat. You try holding your breath the entire 20 minutes you're on the water.

You try finding a cozy spot to have some coffee or gelato and just relax, but that place doesn't exist. There's only more tourists. Gasping for air, you contemplate the importance of a "personal space bubble."

Back at the hotel, realizing how broke you are, and that entrance into a museum or church or ANYTHING requires superhero amounts of patience, you decide to get on a goddamn ferry and go home.

And there you will tell everyone about how you arrived, and the city was beautiful and flatteringly lit, and that candlelight dinner, and the sensual people, and the tourist nightmare called Venice will continue...

How NOT To Find A Parking Spot - And Have A Nervous Breakdown Instead

2012-01-25T08:52:00.000-09:00

Berlin-Friedrichshain, one of Berlin's hippest and most partyesque districts. Saturday night. 8 pm. What a perfect constellation for finding a parking spot.

I'd been driving for ten hours at this point. I like the Autobahn. I turn on the radio and sing to crappy club music. I almost forgot I was maneuvering a sprinter around until I started approaching Berlin.
See, I don't drive much in everyday life. If I do, I drive someone's tiny Fiat. So I find myself dead exhausted behind the wheel in Berlin, a little overwhelmed, and definitely ready for my bath tub.
"Ahaha, Ivy", fate said, "you're in for a... treat."

So Ivy's navigating the narrow streets of her Berlin home quarter in the futile hope of finding a parking spot. Half an hour later, she realized that "I'll be home in 10 minutes" had been an almost hubristic statement. More narrow streets.

Then - LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL! A PARKING SPOT! I almost dance my car into that street, only to find out that a furniture delivery truck had parked on the other side with its blinkers on, and I couldn't pass it with this huge thing to save my life. "Alright", I thought, "I'm happy enough about this parking spot. I'll wait." And I waited for a long, long time.
More precisely, I waited for another half hour until I decided that maybe that light wasn't all that bright at all. So I put my car in reverse. Drive 20 meters. And naturally, it hadn't been until I started trying to get out of that street that other cars started showing up behind me. Now I not only still have no idea where to flippin' park my car, I'm stuck between a deserted furniture delivery truck and three impatient drivers.

Remembering my parking extravaganza.

I swerve into a garage's driveway to let them pass. Go in reverse again. Get to the exact same spot. More cars. Anger. Garage. Try to go back again. More cars behind me. I'm over it, and continue going backwards really slowly so maybe they'd cooperate. They don't. In fact, THEY HONK. I lose my Zen.
I jump out of the seat, roll up my sleeves, and stomp towards that driver with a facial expression that said nothing less but "COME AT ME BRO!"

I not so kindly explain to him that if he was going to make a fuss, he should turn to that "Hero who fucking parked his goddamn furniture truck in the middle of the shitfuckshitdamn road!"
He calmly asks: "Why don't you just swerve into that garage driveway so we can pass?"
I don't even have the energy... I pull into the driveway. Then I try to turn the car around so I would maybe have a chance to get out of there in non-reverse someday. Ain't so easy with no review mirror. I literally get stuck across the whole goddamn road.
Decide that this would be a good moment to start bawling.

A knock on my window. I inhale very deeply and roll down the window pondering in which manner I would like to commit a murder today.
But outside is just a nice Friedrichshain guy with a great smile asking "Would you like us to help you?"
- "That w-w-would be... g-g-great."
So they block the street for me, I manage to get out, and the search continues.

But guess what, I do find another parking spot just a block from there. So happy! I try to get in. But cars are parked on the other side, and I'm too long, so there's just noooo way for me. At this point, I'd been trying to find parking for about an hour and continuously losing hope. Decide that this would be a great moment to... it knocks on my window. Some other dude. "Hey, uh, I just parked over there, would you like me to park somewhere else? You'd have two parking spots, it'll work."
DECIDE THAT THIS WOULD BE A GREAT MOMENT TO THANK THE UNIVERSE.

Whew.

Drive up the street to turn around but guess what, I'M TOO LONG, and everything is ONE WAY STREETS, so I'm driving for what feels like eternity until I get back, entirely convinced my spot will be gone by now. I can't believe my eyes, but that dude and his girlfriend are standing on those parking spots keeping them free for me until I got back.

Decide that this would be a great moment to fucking get out of the car, finally.

How To Have Hilarious Adventures

2012-01-20T09:15:00.000-09:00

Every time I get back from a trip and it's story time, one of my friends will inevitably exclaim: "Ivy, that can only happen to you!"

Like when I almost ended up in a Singapore prison, almost got killed by a rock on an Alaskan glacier, almost died in a tornado (ok, there was no tornado, but I WAS CONVINCED), or had a super touching spiritual experience in a mosque. I think I found my secret.

1. Pick an unusual destination

This one's obvious. You're more likely to experience an adventure in a place that's less touched by travelers than in a tourist resort. I recommend at least language skills because life will be easier and people will like you more.

2. Only plan your very first starting point

I pick a couch surfer, maybe a backup couch surfer or hostel, and then just go. Stuff falls into place, you'll be able to take opportunities to spontaneously go somewhere you didn't plan on (I found myself on a wedding in Oklahoma once...) and your host probably knows more about his country anyways.
Seriously, only plan your base from home.

3. Trust

I don't support religion, but I'm spiritual, and since I let go of planning I had much better experiences in everything. Trust in the fact that you'll end up where you're supposed to end up, and that stuff takes care of itself. Don't be overtly ignorant, just don't cramp up so much all the time.
Also, guess what, most people are good. I know right? Hit me in the face when I realized it first. Your couch surfing host is probably not an axe murderer. The news only tell you when shit happens, not when shit doesn't happen, which is a lot more often. Most people who get into sketchy situations can probably tell you where they don't wrong. Most people who don't ask for trouble don't get any trouble.

4. Be charming

(If you take this as "be a slut so men do cool shit for you" please stop reading and never come back.)
Get a little gift for your host. Smile when you talk to people or when somebody stares at you. Tell funny stories. If you're outgoing you might just end up having an awesome bonfire with awesome people in a place 'no couch surfer has ever been before.'

Of Wanderlust and Motion Sickness...

2012-01-16T13:35:00.002-09:00

I'm wearing pink PJs and writing this blog post from my Mama's house. ANY MORE QUESTIONS?

But let's start at the beginning.
As some of you might know, I moved to Berlin almost exactly a year ago and fell in love with it so much that I wrote like eleventeen blog entries about it.
Because it's epic. Because it has the best modern dance school ever, the best yoga studio ever, the best meditation center ever, the best German film scene ever, the best spirit ever, YOU KNOW?
Except, it also has the loudest street ever. I live on that street.

I also work in film. More precisely, I have the film jobs and I have my own films. The jobs are thankfully more frequent than I'd expected, and since I said goodbye to internships and hello to being Miss Assistant, stuff started looking pretty bright. Except, my work week is about 70-80 hours on average (no shit) and consists of having actors there on time and making background stuff run smoothly.
Then there's my own projects, for which to breathe to life I do the jobs for. And I met quite a few people who helped me out so much. Like on that one student film where I met my now producer and got the opportunity for a major breakthrough as a director. Except, who knew there will have to be new changes made every time you think you've completed a draft.

So here be what I'm torn about.

I goddamn love Berlin. I want to be able to live there again. I want to dance home from the subway again. I want that magical glitter in my eyes again.
But it's exhausting. It's loud and it's crowded. And I'm not the quickest to admit this after leaving my home town on an impulse back then, but staying at my old home has been really good for me. The silence, the long walks, the clean air. And also my family. I feel like coming back here will help me drive roots into the ground again, and stand a little stronger. It just seems like an easier place to have my Dark Night of The Soul shit going on.

And film. I love the people, I love the spirit, I love the art, and I love the time off in-between. But I can never truly plan with the film jobs. I get a call and two days later I go. You rarely know dates in advance.
My big hope lies in my next project, 'Violetta'. It will get me some media attention, but it's produced in a conventional way. I, on the other hand, am becoming a social media and self-distribution expert, and have confidence that even if I don't start living off of directing from this fall on, I'll be successful with my next self-produced film. Or web series. Probably both. So I'm writing and editing and twittering and waiting. Always waiting. On making a living from my own films, on living together with lover boy, on learning to live in the moment, which is the most ironical thing to ever happen.

And then there's the wanderlust. Know what would be awesome? Wearing that bright green flower dress and walking around Perth. And being completely one with the place and my life and everyone in the world. Or trekking through Tibet. Or swimming in the oce... ok, we all know THAT ONE is not gonna happen. (I am convinced that all sharks have conspired and exist solely to eat me.)
Taking a YEAR off. Thailand, Cambodia, Australia, Brazil, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Namibia, Morocco, you know? I'm totally aware that I'm in a better position to go on a random weeklong vacation to Italy than most people but I don't want a vacation. I want to know that when I step out of the plane after my journey ends, I will be stronger and happier and more experienced, and so much more mature, like it always happens when a trip is appropriately sized. Which starts at like 3 months.
I want to move somewhere that's all warm and sunshine. But I also need to put down roots somewhere, somewhere to have a base from which I can travel and have a support circle of friends that have known me for more than a week.

So now what? Well. Holding myself back from booking that ticket to Rio that's on sale right now. Finishing my screenplay and hoping it's the last time I wrote it. Going to a Swabian village to babysit actors and make money.

And to not stop trusting in the universe, which has always thrown the right experiences at me, whenever it was time for them. What? Exactly. Wait.

Mopey Ivy writes a mopey post on awesome travel experiences

2012-01-15T13:07:00.002-09:00

I was going to name this post "Shit I'd rather do than dwell in my bubble of sad" but that kinda sounded as if I were, you know, really miserable and spending the majority of my time in my pajamas and hiding from life.

Hawaii was pretty awesome.

I want to be on a beach in southeast asia and sip on five cheap non-alcoholic cocktails. At once.

I want to go on a hike on a tropical island and have sore calves after.

I want to eat spiders in Cambodia and feel inappropriately badass about it.

I want to be made fun of because I don't swim out into the sea because THE SHARKS ARE TOTALLY OUT TO GET ME.

I want to be back in Perth and be the happiest person I've ever been just when I take a stroll.

I want to have a bonfire in the outback.

I want to defeat my asthma (and that shark thing) and go diving.

I want to hike a glacier in Alaska and then plant my butt in a field of blueberries. (There are more blueberries than anyone could ever eat! MAGICAL)

Alaska was real damn awesome.

I want to go on a yoga retreat in India.

I want to stuff my face with Italian delicacies and French pastry.

I want to have butter tea with a fat mama in Tibet.

I want to come home to a stranger's couch and feel like the entire wold is mine.

I want to have breakfast on Waikiki beach.

I want to make magical connections with strangers.

And be a little bit more that chick again.

How Events Went Unspeakably Out of Hand

2012-01-05T10:53:00.002-09:00

My last post was in August? Holy poop. Here's what happened since.

AUGUST: I decide to take time off internships and concentrate on my own projects because eventually, I want to be a filmmaker and not a set coordinator. So I quit accepting jobs and outline this script idea I loved. Also, I became unspeakably obsessed with Modern&Contemporary Dance. Seriously.

I'm the invisible badass with the slate to the left.

SEPTEMBER: The director from my very first film job calls me to ask if I wanted to AD for 2 days. I'm down. I find myself on a 1 hour car ride with the producer. He asks what I usually do. I totally take the chance to pitch my screenplay to him.
I step out of the car with a movie deal. A big one.

Ass meets chair and I finish the script in time. He likes it (but suggests changes.) I get a surprise phone call that somebody recommended me for a (set coordination) job in Switzerland. So on two days' notice I head back to Berlin, pack my bags, and fly to Switzerland.

In Switzerland, we shoot nights for two weeks, my average working time is 17 hours. SEVENTEEN. ON AVERAGE. Even for film, that's a lot. I also meet a significantly famous actress who falls head over heels in friend-love for me and really wants to work together. I almost faint.

The boss treats me like shit, I still finish the job, and go back to Berlin. I hadn't seen sunlight or a decent night's sleep in half a month.

OCTOBER: I made nice sudden Swiss money and decide to chill out for a week, then go see Loverboy. I also start feeling extremely strange - I'm dizzy, I can't sit let alone walk for more than a few minutes, I literally can't get out of bed without sleeping for 11 to 13 hours a night. I call my doctor to tell her that I totally have a brain tumor and I'm gonna die and she should look at it.

I don't have a brain tumor. I do, however, have a sick leave sheet in my hand. Yours truly has to rest for a month, yes, a MONTH, as in FOUR WEEKS, because I'm starting to show signs of burnout. At age 20. Well done, Ivy, well done.

I fly to Kansas. Loverboy takes awfully sweet care of me, including dragging the bed into the living room incase I'd like to nap while watching True Blood.

I do manage to write my screenplay's new ending on deadline. (Producers prefer happy endings...)

NOVEMBER:

Berlin. Get a phone call for another job. Almost tell her I'm so done with set internships, thankfully wait until she tells me I'd be an assistant this time, go YEEEEE! NO MORE INTERNSHIPS PAL! I accept.
The day my sick leave runs out, I hop into a car to go to a village near Stuttgart.

The job is nice, and my new name tag reads Captain Badass. I feel awesome. I also make a couple great friends. I also discover a new dark side to my soul.

Meet producer again. More changes to the screenplay. (Also, higher budget.)
We're very far away from what I initially wanted the film to be. Jake called it "more Hollywood, but less Ivy."
I have mixed feelings about it.

I add a new character that would suit name actress mentioned above. Producer is excited because we'll be able to secure money and a deal with an artsy TV channel.

DECEMBER:

Loverboy wants to visit me for the first time ever. Loverboy's leave doesn't get approved until 3 days prior to departure. Ticket prices have doubled. Jake gets raped by a travel agency and ends up completely broke. I buy his tickets. A gentleman from the Philippines magically saves Jake from bankruptcy.

Jake really tries to like Berlin but fails tragically. I realize that a big part of my stress might be that I virtually live right on the pulse of an exorbitantly vivid, but really busy, city. With lots of cars and people and noise.
Loverboy takes back everything he ever said about moving to Berlin in a year or two, headaches are had, tears are cried, endings are discussed, Tennessee Williams caliber drama is created, I experience the most tragic heartache I've ever experienced, and pledge to do 2013 in Seattle and split my time between there and Germany after that.

Ommmmmmmmmmm.

I'm currently at my parents' house, anticipating dental surgery, working on my screenplay, and trying to catch my breath. While there were many great news this year, life has been entirely too overwhelming.

While I adore Berlin and the possibilities it gives me - I can literally learn anything, and I can go everywhere by bike - I must admit it's a big stress factor. While I depend on my set-coordination jobs for money, they wear me out to no end. While I'm excited like a ladybug on crack to direct a medium-budget film with the help of a skilled producer and guaranteed exposure, I'm finding it gradually more difficult to wrap my mind about all the changes and deadlines. (And did I mention dental flipping' surgery? Yes! On Monday!)

But most of all, the geographical challenges presented to Herr Wunderbar and myself were the most difficult to cope with. Plans kept changing, and our pink and glittery love kept getting overshadowed by grey slimy matters of location. But three days of bawling out my eyes and heart and intestines re-assured me - for good - that I am keeping that guy, no matter what. So hey, who of you will be in Seattle next year? Care to show me around and/or shoot a movie together? I'M EXCITED.
Woooossaaaah.

Two Iftars: On Loneliness, Warmth, And Searching

2011-08-29T06:26:00.000-08:00

Iftar @ Rusna-Terry Dungan, a photo by F3A on Flickr.

"So why do you fast?", I ask, sipping on a tiny glass of black tea. The air is warm, the sun has long set, and I find myself outside a Turkish prayer place in Berlin-Wedding. "There are a lot of reasons", Tamam answers. "It changes your metabolism, your intestines get cleaned up, it's good for your body." He picks out single pieces of corn from his cob and eats them. I'm amazed at his patience. "But most importantly, it puts things in perspective. You appreciate food more consciously. As I walk by a restaurant, hungry, I have the choice to go inside and order some food. A poor person doesn't. It helps you understand. We learn that if you're eating and somebody looks at you, you should offer him some. Every proper Muslim will share their food with you. Try it."

And then there's this sense of warmth and community. Tamam spontaneously invited me to join him to go to the prayer place, and myself being a lover of new experiences I was all about it. Even when I entered the women's section, nobody took negative notice of the pale unveiled redhead. They much rather invited me to join them for some food, and I was engaged in conversation right away. Kisses were exchanged, children sat around giggling, and to my surprise, nobody devoured their food. It was a very slow, appreciative dinner. And as to the separation of men and women - I'm a fan of equality. But you quickly notice that it's not about male superiority, it's about acknowledging that there are simply differences in how men and women like to spend their time. (And quite frankly, the women's room is much more warm, open and fun. So there.)

* * *

I've been feeling lonely for a few weeks now. Many of my friends left the city for good, I find myself at home in my pyjamas receiving one negative response after another to job applications I sent out, and I'm not happy with the overall stuck-in-a-rut situation I have fallen into. Doing something so out of my normal routine was inspiring. And being so warmly welcomed into a group of people felt like whipped cream on a sore heart.

When Tamam mentioned there was a looser Iftar for young Bosnians the next day, I didn't even hesitate. I was born in Bosnia, but left when I was 4 months old, so I never felt a connection. It's only lately that I've been trying to move a little closer to the culture.

When I walked into the place and introduced myself in Bosnian, the host's face lit up. "Where are you from?", he asked. "Tuzla." - "Tuzla! My girlfriend is too. You've got a bonus!" I spontaneously helped decorate the tables a little bit, talked to some people, weirded out men by shaking their hands "like a guy", and then we started eating. Again, slow, appreciative. Tamam gets up to get some sweets. "Would you like some, Ivy?" - "Uh, yeah, thank you, that would be great..." I'm flabbergasted and start munching my cake. "I'll go get some hot drinks, would you like coffee or tea?" Eh?!?!?! As he returns with awesome-smelling, typical Bosnian coffee, my face is one big question mark. I try to phrase my thoughts. "Dude, you're Muslim, and you only recently left Palestine, and you're a guy, and very religious. How come you are bringing me stuff, shouldn't you be sending me to do it?" He chuckles. "Ivy, our role model is the Prophet Mohammed. When his wife was asked what he was like as a husband, she replied: Everything that I did, he did as well. So men and women should share the work."

We get together to a loose group, and I start talking to a young Bosnian doctor. I notice that whenever there's a gap, people ask you to come closer. They like being close. They like warmth. They like people. And that's where it hits me that maybe this is where I'm so much more Bosnian than German for once.

The journey continues.

Why I Want To pack My Bags And Leave. Why I Don't.

2011-08-23T05:39:00.001-08:00

(Okay, okay, before we get all sappy and pretentious here, let's face it: Because I'm broke.)

I've lived in Berlin since late January this year. I fell in love with it instantly, and it was the only place I could imagine to live after my 5 month travels. I found a couple jobs on film sets, and moved into a neat little Friedrichshain flat with 2 roommates.
I've been to bars, cafes, clubs; I visited Meditation Centers, started Contemporary Dancing, and met a lot of wonderful people. So far so good.

But now, I feel this weird anxiety that makes my heart pound and my breathing heavy. It might have to do with the fact that it doesn't look too bright on the job front these days, that I don't have any savings to speak of, and that I'm not exactly sure what's the right thing to do.

The simple answer: Run away! Yeah! Right? Wrong.

It's so, so, so tempting. Reading other people's travel blogs and looking through my old photos and my own articles brings back the travel itch to an extent where it's really hard to resist. When my mom mentioned they might drive to Bosnia next week (Bosnia! History! Grittiness! Crazy People! Yes!) I was in immediately. They didn't wind up going.

As I lie and ponder, though, and try to make a decision, I wonder if maybe it's time to give this whole adult thing a shot, and sit it out. And try to determine what it is that makes me feel so anxious, and try repairing it.
I remember doing my North America trip last year, always feeling like I was in-between, like I was just trying to fill a gap between the present state and a state I didn't know. Maybe it's time to stop filling gaps, maybe it's just time to move on. I constantly feel like I'm waiting for something, but goddamn it, now is all I've got, and I'm obliged to appreciate that.

So now what? A producer is interested in my screenplay and I need to re-draft and send it to him by mid-September. A Ghost In D Minor, my current film, is still in post-production. I'm trying to launch an independent, community-based career, but I know how much time and effort it will take until I can make a living off the digital age. Regulations have been changed on film sets so age 20 is now too young to even do internships a lot of the time. If I'm too young (but already qualified) for my job, that means I could take off for another year without a bad conscience, right? My problem is that I want to progress in my career and would rather spend the time it takes until "stuff get's serious" building my skills rather than sitting on a Thai beach and waiting. Wait, what? Ok, maybe not.
Honestly... if I had an extra grand in my account, I'd probably be in Tibet right now.

Hello Goodbye. A Look At Travel Friendships

2011-08-22T01:18:00.002-08:00

Until I moved to Berlin, I was the Leaver. Goodbyes are rarely pleasant, but I was the one deciding it was time to move on to a new, potentially more awesome place.

Not here.
A very close friend moved back to Bavaria a few weeks ago. Another one got on a one-way flight to Greece on Friday. My roommate is going back to England tomorrow. And I made a new experience:

Being the Stayer sucks.

In a city that you fell in love with because it "feels like I never stopped traveling!", it would be unfair to bitch about it later. But finding myself on the other side of the train window this time, I started contemplating travel friendships.

Most travelers are outgoing. They like making experiences and making friends. And especially in long-term travel, we usually bond much more quickly - because this new place is exciting, because we get to spend so much time together, or simply because we get lonely. God, to think of all the people I learned to love and had to let go of just this past year.

Free Hugs for Perth!

But you know what you're getting yourself into, and it's part of the beauty of travel. It's nothing you can change, but sooner or later, you'll have to find your personal approach to it.

How do you deal with letting go of a friend you grew close to on a journey? Have you become more reserved with time? Do you still allow yourself to become attached and accept the heartache as part of the deal?

Because personally, I'm very much of an up-and-down kind of person. But sometimes, when you think back to that night in Australia five years ago, sitting in your friend's bedroom completely sober and contemplating to get each other's names tattooed, and you haven't exchanged a word since, then yeah, sometimes, you might start wondering if it's really worth it.

I'm Totally Back. Where I've Been, Career Leaps & Life Plans

2011-08-17T00:51:00.001-08:00

Where am I? Well...

I'm not on the road anymore. In late January, after my North America trip, I decided to move to Berlin on a whim, without ever having been here before. It worked out surprisingly great. I moved into a friend's closet, planning to stay a week or two, and wound up pestering him with my presence for three whole months.
During which I was able to work on two film productions and even shoot my latest 'A Ghost In D Minor', a 20-minute drama currently in post-production.


on set of A Ghost In D Minor

The only traveling I've done since returning to Germany is visiting my little hometown Speyer and my special someone in Kansas. Other than that, I've focused on my film career. And sadly haven't had any time to work on my travel stuff, my personal projects, or simply... life.

BUT NOW I HAVE PLANS.

Today is my last day on set as a coordinator. After that, I want to continue on my own stuff. While I still love set-co and will keep doing it, I'll actively take time off to pursue other goals in-between jobs. I was lucky enough to get a producer interested in a film I'm writing right now and need to finish the script. I've also started educating myself on this whole building a creative career in the digital age thing, SEO, viral marketing, blogging, vlogging, kickstarter campaigns, you get the idea.

A friend of mine is currently working on a website for A Ghost In D Minor as well as a personal one for myself as a filmmaker so that I can share my work and making ofs and drector's statements and pictures and stuff I personally eat up when I like a film.
I'm still in love with Disposable Homes and I want to have it be more regular again, as well as add videos. Everyone knows I'm head over heels in love with Berlin, so I might as well show you why! Plus I found a whole bunch of footage from my Anchorage, Alaska to Vancouver, Canada road trip I need to edit and show you!

So there. I apologize for being so inactive, but DUDE, there are bright times ahead.

A Shudder Down My Spine: Sachsenhausen.

2011-07-30T01:21:00.001-08:00

Bright, sunny day. Being a history buff and Wannabe Third Reich Expert, I decide to pay a visit to Sachsenhausen concentration camp, just a few kilometers outside of Berlin.
The sun is burning down on us. The air is thick with humidity and the smell of sweat, pollution, and the history of this place.

I walk down to the gate. "Arbeit macht frei." To think of all the people that were not free at last. The ones who were and couldn't believe it, went crazy, and stayed captives of their memories forever.
A barracks bathroom. People would get drowned here. There's too many people on too little space, and I find it hard to breathe. A plaque tells me that the SS guards would cram so many people into these rooms that they would choke on each other and die in dozens.

Tour groups sitting on the grass, having a picnic, chatting, laughing. Dressed like they were on the way to some kind of beach party. This is why I don't think schools should make these visits mandatory. It feels a little bit like desecration.

The morgue. The heat pressing down on you in the other buildings is utterly absent in here. I walk down to the basement where corpses would be stored. I look down and I'm standing on a what used to be a puddle of blood. I shudder.
Next to me, some kind of 15 year old tourist girl snaps a picture. I'd never. You can't capture the atmosphere of a haunted place. You can't visualize the horror of a room stacked with bodies. The guards would never come here alone. The doctors, who were obliged to file reports about every death, couldn't handle the mass and eventually refrained to cutting the mandatory cuts and sewing them right back up. There was no time for an autopsy. I walk up the ramp that was used to throw them downstairs. I've got goose bumps all over my body.

I continue my journey. Medical experiments. Torture. Most present in the atmosphere: Death. Of course it's possible to walk through these realms and taking all of it in as mere information. You can let it pass you by, probably not even realize that this was a reality for millions not too long ago. You can repress that you belong to a species that is still able to do this to each other.

As for me, I was speechless for the rest of the day.

Is This A Tornado? How To Freak Out Like A Girl

2011-05-24T09:22:00.000-08:00

Horror movies don't scare me. Yeah, chase her with a knife, whatever. What freaks me out are natural disasters. Stuff you can't do anything about. And I know I seem adventurous and all, but when it comes to something so omnipotent as nature, I'm quick to wet my pants. So what do I do about this?
Right, I fly to Kansas during fucking Tornado season.

It's an overcast day, and I revel in laziness watching Six Feet Under. I get up to make some tea, and get a little worried as I look out of the window. Don't be a sissy, Ivy, I think to myself, but I can't calm myself down. Especially after yesterday's devastating Tornado in Joplin - less than 300 miles from here - this issue is on my mind constantly. And now the wind is getting severe, it's raining like crazy, the sky has a weird shade to it and the clouds are moving a bit too quickly for my taste. Shit. Then a loud, rumbling sound. I frantically run around the house opening the doors and windows, then jump into the bathtub.
Since I'm so 2011, and needed emotional support, I totally had a Skype conversation during all of this.

vowdecoder 10:15 AM
can't talk tornado i think i'm home alone fuck fuck

Carina 10:15 AM
oh shit
get in the basement
honey please please let me know when its over

vowdecoder 10:19 AM
got no basement

Carina 10:19 AM
:s
what are you going to do now?

vowdecoder 10:19 AM
no idea
bathtub

Carina 10:22 AM
what kind of house are you in?

vowdecoder 10:22 AM
jakes
usual american papermache
i just checked
weather radar says thunderstorm but no tornado

Carina 10:22 AM
oh my oh my

vowdecoder 10:22 AM
i'm in the tub with all doors and windows open

Carina 10:23 AM
dude
you're scaring me

vowdecoder 10:23 AM
well ASK ME

Carina 10:23 AM
fuck fuck duck
i mean fuck fuck fuck
keep writing to me...
or i'll freak out

vowdecoder 10:24 AM
mh
i got no phone or anything
as i said weather forecast only says thunderstorm

Carina 10:25 AM
ok...so should i call anyone?

vowdecoder 10:25 AM
you're s cute

Carina 10:25 AM
do you want me to do anything?

vowdecoder 10:25 AM
wouldn't know what

Carina 10:25 AM
pookie

vowdecoder 10:25 AM
except make weather be nicer

Carina 10:25 AM
i'm really worried right now

vowdecoder 10:25 AM
wish i'd listened to my dad and not come here during tornado season

Carina 10:25 AM
i'm doing my best :D
no...everything's gonna be fine
it's just a thunderstorm
a mean evil one but it'll be fine

vowdecoder 10:26 AM
hope so
fuck
it's hailing
how do i know when it's there and when its over
waaaaaah

Carina 10:29 AM
calm down

vowdecoder 10:30 AM
if it were a tornado they'd know right
there would be a warning and stuff

Carina 10:31 AM
yeah definitely
calm down
there's gonna be thunder and lighting for a little bit and then it'll be fine

vowdecoder 10:31 AM
"Severe thunderstorms do, at times, produce tornadoes." fuuuuuck
and if this is not a tornado is this doors open shiznite all that smart at all

Carina 10:34 AM
woah no idea?

vowdecoder 10:34 AM
oh dude
we don't exactly live in the best of all neighborhoods

Carina 10:34 AM
:s

vowdecoder 10:34 AM
...i just got a pistol just incase someone decides to swing by

Carina 10:35 AM
mymymymy
oh god
ivy

vowdecoder 10:35 AM
WHAT A DAY
so how are you doing?

Carina 10:35 AM
fuck fuck fuck
forget about me!

vowdecoder 10:35 AM
nevarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Carina 10:35 AM
in that case you should research what you should do right now

vowdecoder 10:36 AM
doing so

Carina 10:36 AM
and for gods sake close the door

vowdecoder 10:38 AM
windows and doors closed i think it's all good now

Carina 10:38 AM
oh man
there she goes to the us and boom such a clusterfuck

vowdecoder 10:40 AM
turned on the tv so it can tell me what's going on...
this conversation is making it onto my blog. and jake's gonna piss himself laughing first thing tonight

Carina 10:41 AM
:D

vowdecoder 10:50 AM
love you.

Carina 10:51 AM
love you too.

I'm currently glued to the TV, there's warnings throughout the entire week, and I'm worried. I also have to keep calling my parents to calm them down because our area is totally not affected when all I want is to freak out and be calmed down myself. And as if all of this weren't enough, that Iceland ash cloud will probably also move over Germany right when I'm supposed to fly home.
Kansas, remember how I said you were boring? I apologize deeply, and I am totally taking that back.

...And There I Am, Praying In A Mosque?!

2011-04-14T02:29:00.002-08:00

"Our weddings are beautiful:
We parade the newlyweds through the streets of their neighborhood. We offer food to anyone who comes to celebrate with us. We offer good bread, good meet and good coffee. We dance in the streets, and fill our lives with flowers for many days.

Our funerals are sad:
We drape our dead in white, and carry them silently to their graves. At their graves, we recite the Quran, or a Christian prayer. We mourn for three days, and sometimes for forty days. We grow our beards, and wear black, and offer food on behalf of our dead."

I was browsing CouchSurfing profiles and stumbled upon a guy from Palestine, and these two paragraphs caught my eye. I asked whether he wanted to meet for tea.

* * *

The Syrian restaurant I suggested is small and cozy. Tamam stirs sugar into his tea. "See, not everybody might be Islamic, but everything is Moslem. This teaspoon here is Moslem." I tilt my head to the side. I'd asked him to tell me things, things about Islam and the Near East because I felt I had a distorted picture.

"Whether you're Christian, Jewish, Moslem - we're all created by God, and we're all part of the system. Islam teaches you to question everything, and to find your own ways. We are not supposed to drink alcohol - you can still do it, but eventually you will feel dizzy and drop. You can't escape the ways of the world."

I begin to talk about my Lebanon/Palestine travel dreams and asks whether it's cool to be this confident as a girl, and if I should cover my head. "If you want to, do it. If you don't like it, don't. Don't do anything unless you understand why and agree with it. If you dress like this in Palestine, people will look at you the way you look at women wearing Burkhas in Berlin. It's still your choice."

And then we got started on mentality. Muslims are obliged to offer guests food and shelter for at least three days, but you could expect much more than that. "I traveled to Berlin through Europe, and never once had to retreat to a Hotel. Mosques are always open for visitors, and anyone can sleep and shower there.

Speaking of that, do you know that really old one at Platz der Luftbruecke?" - "I live right around the corner." - "Do you want to go?" - "Absolutely."

* * *

"Are you sure I can go in there? Shouldn't we stop somewhere and get a scarf for my head? People will look at me weird! What if we get there at prayer time?" I'm nervous. Tamam tries to calm me down. "You will be alright. Everybody is welcome. Relax." We reach the entrance, take off our shoes, and enter the room. "Nothing here is sacred. You can go anywhere, touch anything."

The churches I have seen so far are usually dark, cold, and unhomely. This is a big, turquoise space with golden details. It's warm inside, and we sit down on the carpeted floor. The imam is singing wonderful tunes I don't understand. Tamam whispers translations into my ear. I let my guard down and dive into the moment. I have no idea how much time passed.

"We are going to pray now." I knew it. "Do I need to leave?" - "No, you'll be fine." I try hiding in the corner, but I'm spotted. An old man points me behind a curtain - the women's room.

* * *

No corner to hide in. A girl sits there crying, a bubble of other women around here. I feel incredibly out of place, and try to make myself as small as possible. To no avail. A big, German Muslim woman walks up to me as if she were so happy to see me.

"Hello sister! Do you belong here?" - "Eeeeh...", I hesitate. She grabs me by the hand. "Come sit with us."

We sit and exchange a few words, and all the girls are so excited to have me. Then they get up to start praying. And without any idea of what the hell I'm doing there... I do too.

* * *

The attribute "amazing" is used so liberally these days. I try to save it for moments that are magical, that come unexpected and unpredictable. In a bubble of surreality I say goodbye and step outside into the cold winter air, and as I walk home, I'm grateful for learning that I, too, can still be surprised by something Amazing.

5 Reasons To Love Berlin

2011-04-12T06:15:00.003-08:00

It's a big city on manageable space

For European standards, Berlin is a metropolis. There's stuff to do for everyone – sports, arts, culture, concerts, politics. And while all of that requires spreading out, everything is really easy to reach. Berlin's extensive public transport system is comparatively cheap and gets you anywhere you need to go in just a couple minutes. It's the city explorer's dream. I've been going to places by bike a lot, too, and I never needed more than 45 minutes door-to-door.

Its Diversity

You'll find a Turkish sweets shop next to a hipster clothing store next to an expensive Mongolian restaurant. I think the reason I was able to settle down here so well is because it feels like I never stopped traveling. With the large expat community and international students, you can easily delve into new cultures, languages and cuisines. And Berlin offers a place for everyone – the cafes and bars in romantic Friedrichshain, the exciting nightlife in Kreuzberg, the gritty charme of ~~Mini-Istanbul~~ Neukoelln or Prenzlauer Berg with its freelance designers and young families are sure to make you feel right at home.

Its People!

I've never before met people who speak their mind this openly! If a Berliner thinks you're an asshole, they'll say it straight to your face. But they will also stop you on the subway just to tell you: “You're the prettiest woman I've ever seen.” This city is full of artists, gypsies, geniuses... and if you think you've seen crazy before, you bet you'll reconsider!

Its Charme

Whether it's the straight-forwardness of people, the witty graffiti on the walls, or the fact that it makes you feel good being just the way you are – there's that little something about Berlin that nobody can resist falling in love with.

Its Rich Resources

You name it, you find it. Period dot. I don't think there's a single thing you cannot learn or do in Berlin, and oftentimes it's even free of charge.

Stay tuned for 5 mooore reasons to love Berlin!

5 Things A Little Breakdown Says About Your Lifestyle

2011-04-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, I was on a peak. I was done with my A.D. job, had finished shooting my own film, started a new job the very morning after and found an apartment(!) Life was good. I was preparing for a running race, did language exchanges, met a lot of friends and went to a lot of places. And then... well. And then I just fell over.
And I couldn't move for two days.

Everyone who spent more than an hour conversing with me will roll their eyes and mumble "Told ya." And I do get it. The thing is - I'm well aware of my own mortality, I want the most out of life. I just have a hard time realizing that maybe you can't combine bagajillions of new hobbies, late-night barhopping and working on two film projects with working a full time job. Lying in bed, half-paralyzed and worried, I think I learned a couple of things:

1. Listen To Your Body

For some reason I thought I could fight my constant fatigue with exercising more. Of course I didn't just go for a run every now and then ,but made a strict training plan with the goal to finish a race in May "Third last or faster."
And those extra vegetables were a brilliant idea - but they can't work wonders. Next time my body tells me "Goddamnit woman, I'm tired!", I might just sleep in on a Sunday.

2. What's A Priority?

I do need to work. I was out traveling for a year and now I live on my own. I also need to help editing my latest film so I can send it to festivals and get one step closer to living the dream of film directing. I also don't want to quit running.
But I don't need to learn those two languages. I don't need to attend every CouchSurfing meet-up. And discovering Berlin's nightlife can wait a bit longer, too.

3. A True Friend Will Understand

It wasn't too easy for me to admit I'd aspired to do too much in too little time. When I did, I got different responses from two types of people - one friend who was genuinely worried about me and made me meet her the next day - so she could block a large portion of my time and made sure I get to relax a bit.
Another one was pissy because I was being "unreliable" and demanded to meet Tuesday after.
I think you can guess who I'm still friends with.

4. Don't Plan

Planning too long in advance is something I used to be infamous for. Nowadays it actually freaks me out, and especially since that weekend I tell people to call me right when they want to do something instead of several days before. You never know how tired you'll be, and then you're already booked in.

5. Lying In Bed All Day Is AWESOME

Who knew.

Do WHAT? or How I Became An Extra For TV

2011-03-06T00:41:00.001-09:00

Friday morning. I'm reasonably quick with preparing the set, the actors are on time for once, and we start shooting. I'm positioned at the end of the corridor in order to do the whole block-where-nobody-ever-walks thing. A couple hours into it, I'm half asleep, and silently moan about my boredom. Had I only kept my mouth shut.

Friday evening. I'm carrying boxes of water and new sandwiches as the Assistant Director approaches me, hectic. "Ivy, go to the costume room, I need you to change, quick!" - "...What's wrong with my clothes?" - "Tell 'em you need to be a doctor, go!" - "Huh?!" - "Hurry up!" Wtf, but fine.
I go change into scrubs and get back on set. "Does anybody feel like informing me about what's going on by any chance?" The A.D. tells me I have to walk from here to there, and that I'll get paid for it. Sweet. "Oh, and here's your lines." My what?!

"And Action!" I walk up to the real actress and say: "Tell her I'll take her shift." We repeat that a couple times, the camera assistant tells me I look hot, and the Grip guy makes a dirty joke. Then my boss gives me the shooting schedule to hand out to everyone, and it's over as soon as it started. Except I'm doing it again on both Monday and Tuesday, and that will equal in half the money I made set-running this entire month.

I love my job.

I'm Covered in Blood, Soup and Diesel. A Set Runner's Lament

2011-02-28T11:09:00.000-09:00

Dear producers, please don't visit the set anymore. When you are there, I have to pretend I'm busy; so I spend the little free time I have running around senselessly instead of watching the shoot. That doesn't help me learn. Stay in your office.

Dear director, I understand you're important and all. How about you begin understanding that I'm happy to get your coffee, buy eco strawberry yogurt and call your actors on set, but can't do it all at once? Your job is to make decisions. Make one.

Dear colleague aka mentor, thank you. I don't get how you can stay this friendly even after I messed up thrice. I secretly think of you as my big brother. Also, fuck you for making me refuel the power generator. My clothes still stink of the diesel I spilled. I have girl arms. I can't lift that.

Dear protagonist, are you kidding me? You were supposed to *act* drunk in one scene, not to arrive on set so shit-faced we had to cut the shooting day short. Thank you for wasting our time. I absolutely love having to wake you up between takes

Dear light guys, you shattered all I thought I knew about light guys. You're supposed to talk about feces and porn all day long. You're not supposed to say please, thank you and call me cute names. What's wrong with you?

Dear catering guys, how do you manage to make such awesome food even after we changed the lunch schedule three times in half an hour? But next time, put a little less soup in the pot I have to carry. When I say "I'm full of soup", I'd rather have that mean I ate it...

Dear weather, I loved you today. The day I lose my gloves is the perfect time to start being warm and sunny. For making me dance in the sun today, I shall forgive you that my hands started seriously bleeding numerous times because you were so cold and dry for so long.

And dear readers, thank you if you're still reading. I'm working ridiculous hours, but Disposable Homes still means a lot to me. So do you.

This City Makes Me Feel Invincible. A Personal Update.

2011-02-13T02:30:00.002-09:00

God, life is awesome.

Me in Summer '10, by Elena Braun

I've started working on a film set; and it's surprisingly great. Interns often get treated like dog poop but I was lucky enough to score a job where people understand I'm there to learn, and if I don't know something they actually take the time to explain it without bitching about me not knowing it. <3
During a break yesterday afternoon, I had some small talk with one of the prop guys about what I usually do. The title of my next short, A Ghost In D Minor, sounded interesting to him and he asked what it was about. I explained, casually, and before you know it I have a set designer with access to a huge prop storage. Booyah!

My own film is coming along well, I found all my actors and they rock, and we are shooting from the 17th to the 20th of March. My DOP broke his hand, though, which sucks, but he said he'll just get an extra assistant.
I'm slightly freaking out about not having a shooting location yet, BUT couchsurfing is proving to be ama-some again and I'll go look at a couple apartments in the next couple weeks.

German Reichstag, Berlin on sightseeing day!

I'm still in deep, mad love with Berlin. I can pursue all my passions here so much more easily, I found a job in film within two weeks, my own movie is virtually producing itself, and it's language learner's paradise.
There's a weekly language meeting on Mondays, with like 50 attendees, and we form small groups of languages and I get to speak all of what I know in just one evening. I also started doing an Italian-German Tandem Exchange, which is where you speak/learn your partners language for one hour and then switch to yours for another hour. It's fantastic, and you progress really fast.

Now all I need to do is find my own place here, so I can prove to people that I'm serious about staying in Berlin, and with Jake coming to visit this summer, life would be complete. (:

Berlin, You're Awesome, I Love You, and I Want Your Babies.

2011-02-04T10:28:00.001-09:00

Berlin. The city that made you go from being a sad little bag of bones to jumping and dancing through the subway station. The city where your movie virtually produces itself. The city where you find a dream job with a six weeks on six week off schedule that doesn't start until late March; and then a second job to fill the gap in between but leave enough time for your own film.

It's the city where you can indulge in your favorite parts of German history. Where you speak four different languages in one evening and then find someone to teach you the fifth. Where there's enough cafes, indie cinemas, theaters and museums to fill a lifetime.

It's also the city whose accent is contagious. Whose cashier ladies look up and say: "Oh, it's the one with the pretty hair!" Whose people are not as unfriendly as they're said to be, but have a very strict no-bullshit policy. Whose people say with implicit pride: "Ick bin en Berliner!"

Berlin, I love you. I love you so much that sometimes I'm too excited to sleep. I love you so much that I'm looking at apartments. There ain't nothing taking me away from here for a long, long time.

I'm Definitely Not Traveling Anymore. An Ode To Job Hunting

2011-01-27T11:08:00.000-09:00

It's midnight. The friend who's letting me crash at his place until I'm on my feet just took a great picture of me, and now I'm scanning the film job websites. I find a couple cool production office jobs and one directing internship. Those are my dream job, and really hard to come by. I apply right away.

The next day, I'm celebrating laziness and writing a shooting schedule in my pyjama pants. My phone rings. "I just got your application and I would like to meet you. Can you come... now?" This is film biz. This is why I had to move to Berlin before finding a job.

An hour later, I'm at the office of a professional 1. AD who has actually read my application and gives me kudos for my 5 month trip. You heard me, he thought it was awesome I took time off to randomly go somewhere. We want to make storytelling our profession, after all, so we need to accumulate them somehow. He's also impressed by my young age. The day before, I had been freaking out because I'm "nineteen years old and have been in the country for 5 days and still sit in the kitchen in my pyjama pants!"

The interview went really well, and he will call me Monday night.

* * *

How's Berlin, you ask? It's great. It's vivid, colorful, crazy, interesting and very hard to get bored in. There is nothing you cannot learn or do here. Apparently, though, I messed up my native tongue, because one guy didn't believe I was a native German. Looks like my "L" sounds and my intonation sound American, which I have been made fun of to pronounce "murrkan." That's what you get! It's becoming better though.

Today, I called the agency of that actress I want (and nobody else can play the part!!!!!111) and they told me just to e-mail them the script. I epically messed up said e-mail so now I'm sitting on needles.
I'm meeting the male lead tomorrow though and he's a really cool dude. And then, finally, this weekend, I'll get to do some sight-seeing. I can't wait for Alexanderplatz.

What Coming Home Is Really Like

2011-01-24T13:54:00.000-09:00

The usual blog post, my last one, goes like this: I'm sad to leave but excited about the new chapter in my life, I have made wonderful friends and memories and I'm ready for the things to come. So coming home is a little melancholy but we're all optimistic and awesome, yeah? No.

This is what it's like.

DAY 1: People speak your native tongue and it's really weird. Your hometown has kind of stayed the same but not quite and everything feels strange and untrue. You'd really rather go back into that airport.
Your family is absolutely excited to see you and you're equally excited to see them, minus the fact that you just don't have the energy to properly express it. You forgot that traveling in this direction is much harder and find yourself awake and extremely unhappy at 4 in the morning.

DAY 2: You surprise your best friend who didn't know you were coming. You feel much better after seeing everybody so happy you're there, minus the fact that you decided it was a smart idea to move to a new city two days after, so you don't spend enough time with anyone. You have a storytelling night and it's fun. You get home at 1 am and find yourself doing the crying thing again until 4.

DAY 3: You pack. You feel tired, lonely and vulnerable. Time zones and work make it impossible to talk to your boyfriend overseas. You punch yourself in the face in spirit for thinking booking yourself in was such a smart idea, and wish you hadn't already paid for that flight so you could spend more time with your family and get some rest at home.

DAY 4: Your Dad drives you to the airport and tries to calm you down in the car. You thank him for being so awesome, and he replies that those things are self-evident. You nearly cry. After this trip, you seem to have grown closer to your family, and you realize they support you, and you will miss them a lot. The jet lag made it impossible to sleep so you're feeling extra horrible. You wish you could just fucking talk to your boyfriend.
You arrive in the capital city and get picked up by an internet friend you've never met. Everyone's awesome and it reminds you of traveling. You get a phone call about a job and wonder whether you should take it. You feel really burnt out and kind of lost and wish you'd stayed home watching TV in your pyjamas for a week. Then you try to deal with life, and be excited about this cool new city, and write a bitchy blog post.

...At least this time.

And Then These Goodbyes.

2011-01-20T07:33:00.001-09:00

Arms around each other, legs intertwined, with my head on his chest I whisper: "Why can't we stay like this forever?"

I'm at Kansas City Airport, and my 5 month journey is over. Am I happy? To leave Kansas, yes. To settle down for a while? Yes. To be with my friends and family, in Germany, and move to Berlin? Also yes. But leaving someone behind that I grew so close to is an entirely different story.

But Goodbye is a part of travel, and the more it hurts, the more awesome it means it was. So instead of drowning in self-pity about a hardcore long distance relationship, I'm concentrating on the fact that I might have found myself the best frickin' person in the world. Booyah.

We Killed The Snow Nazi!

2011-01-17T15:38:00.000-09:00

This is the snow nazi. He's quite a jerk.

But humanity is lucky. Jake & I have a strict no-bullshit policy.

Sayonara, snow nazi.

I'm A Dirty Big Secret

2011-01-14T13:53:00.001-09:00

So Jake really needed to get a place in Kansas quickly. There weren't too many, and the landlord of this nice little duplex said he only rented to families - single soldiers just proved to be too much trouble. As desperate times call for desperate measure, Jake goes sure, yeah, I'm married, she'll move in with me. "Great - she will have to sign the lease too, though, and I need her social security number." - "Uhh... Okay... But my wife is on a business trip in Texas right now, I don't know when she'll be back." Good job. Since I'm not signing any leases, let alone have an American social security number, he couldn't pretend it was me. And since the landlord is Christian as all hell (pun not intended), I'm positive he would kick him out if he suspected Jake having a mistress (me.) So technically, I can't really be here.

We weren't worrying about it too much until we came back from shopping today and found a bunch of tools in the living room. The door was open and the landlord was next door to get some more stuff for the installation of a ceiling fan. A little rush of adrenaline and I run an elaborate story to Jake about how I'm his buddy's girlfriend who just moved here too and hasn't found a house yet, so because I can't stay in the army barracks with him, I'm sleeping at Jake's couch. Seconds later, he landlord is back, and I'm lying to the landlord with the straightest face while Jake is outside letting Butters in on the story and asking him to come over. Which he does. And then we pretend to be all in love and moving in together.

Now, to understand the irony in this, let me introduce Nathaniel Butters to you. When Jake was not around while we were all in Hawaii, he wouldn't be in the same room with me. If we talked, he'd stand in the door. While we were waiting in the car together, he'd be outside if I was sitting in it, and run right back in when I got out to make talking easier. This man is now sitting next to me pretending to be all butterflies about me. It was hilarious.


Me being good at conspiracy

We seem to have played it well, though, and the landlord seemed to believe our story about moving in together on Thursday - the day I fly home. And a little bit after that Jake will say "Divorce" and Butters will say "She left me", so maybe the landlord's pulled heartstrings will let the two move in together even though they're both guys.

The End

Memphis or How I Almost Ruined CouchSurfing For Jake

2011-01-11T07:24:00.002-09:00

As everyone who ever talked to me about budget travel knows, I'm the biggest fan of CouchSurfing. So when SPC Charming and I were reaching the end of our road trip and wanted to save a bit of money, I suggested we just find somebody in Memphis, Tennessee. I was actually surprised he agreed, and pledged to make it the best possible experience.
...That didn't quite go as planned.

Since it was just after Christmas, a lot of people were unable to host, and the only couple who replied told us: "Know we smoke greens." We didn't have much of an alternative, so we went.
We are greeted by the really stoned "house mother of [a] creative, agricultural, political, ecological and residential community." This is exactly what Jake imagines CouchSurfers to be - stoned hippies. It didn't get bad until the whole Middle East discussion started, though, which was exactly the thing I was seeking to avoid when I mentioned that Jake is in the army when I sent the request.

House Mother: So what do you think about this guy who published this wikileaks stuff?
Jake: I would very much like to punch him in the face.
House Mother: Why?
Jake: Because hes endangering the lives of friends of mine.
House Mother: How?
And Jake begins a lecture on Yemeni socio-economics, politics, America's role etc. About 40 minutes into it the house mother decides she doesn't really want to have a discussion based on actual facts and switches to the whole philosophy of war. (Also, her third(?) joint.)

House Mother: Woah, man, I just totally couldn't like, join the army and, like, go to war and shit.
Jake: Well, that's why people like me do it, so that people like you wouldn't have to.
House Mother: Oh, dude, fuck, I mean, we aren't like animals, man, I'm a better man because I kill you, dude, we have like, fuck, frontal lobes and shit!

She didn't really speak in our general direction much for the rest of our stay.

That evening, a couple of us decided to go have late-night breakfast (soooo awesome) at some diner, and we gave one of the guys a lift. He was squinting, sensitive to light, talked really slowly and - just got off work as a security guard. After smiling suspiciously at Jake for about 10 minutes (I considered he was about to hit on him), he asks: "Hey dude... Can you tell me stuff about explosives?"

And in the morning we packed our stuff and left for Louisiana early. I made Jake promise to give surfing one more try, which he did, and then reminded him of my travel motto:

"Hey... At least it's a good story to tell."

2010, You Rocked My Socks So Hard.

2010-12-31T11:05:00.001-09:00

January through March: Graduation. I have written exams in German, English and History. I lock myself into libraries and houses and cuddle with Goebbels, Bismarck and Siebenpfeiffer for hours on end. Before my verbal exam in maths, I decide I'm too burnt out to not spontaneously skip school for 3 days and go to France. I have my first CouchSurfing experience and taste the dolce of vita.

April through May: Australia. My first entirely self-organized, independent solo trip. Perth casts its spell on me, and I find out I'm beautiful and interesting. Six hours after my plane lands in Germany, I break up with the man who makes me feel the opposite and make travel plans for Alaska.

June through August: I have nightly 8-hour Skype conversations with a deployed soldier I'd been penpals with for a couple months. I start working three jobs so I could afford to go see him on Hawaii. While waitressing, I'm offered money for a) letting a foot-fetishist play with my feet, b) getting pregnant for a gay couple. I refuse and continue doing 15-hour work shifts.

September: Alaska. I feel free and happy and awesome. My travel luck is ridiculous, I get free rides to every destination on my itinerary. I see the Northern Lights twice in a row and learn that in the end, life can't possibly be that bad.

October I: Canada. I drive from Anchorage to Vancouver and intend to spend four weeks. Instead, one night, I really feel like seeing Jake, so I book the next available ticket and fly to Honolulu.
October II through early December: I convince Jake's army buddies of the fact that I'm not a scam and not a dude, either. I live where I'm not legally supposed to live for two months and share a single size mattress with my chosen one. Yeah, whoever told you that was romantic never had to do it.

December: We literally can't believe we aren't sick of each other yet. Our grand road trip takes us through 8 US states. Jake has his first CouchSurfing experience and it's horrid. I meet a ridiculous amount of friends and family, and become totally official. My eyelashes manage to convince Jake he really needed to go 1500 miles out of his way so that me and my puppy eyes could spend New Year's in New Orleans.

As I'm writing this, I'm in a New Orleans motel with half a gallon of Sweet Tea, for which I have developed an addiction so great that only people who witnessed it can grasp it. I finished the screenplay for my next film, A Ghost in D Minor, which I am shooting around April. I learned how to shoot a rifle. I started doing archery.
It's about three weeks until I leave for Germany and move to Berlin. Film work will probably keep me based in Germany for 5 or 6 years. Jake is in the army for another 2 and plans to go to college in the states.
When I pack my bags and board the plane, we will have spend almost every day together for 4 months. We're looking at an uncertain future, and will see each other for a week or two a couple times a year. I don't even want to think about it.
But to quote a friend of mine: "Ivy... You're really grabbing life by the balls!" Yes. I no longer let things get in my way. I do what makes me happy, no matter what it takes because really, who told you it was easy?
I don't have resolutions for next year. I want to shoot a couple of my movies, do lots of week-end trips around Europe and spend more time outside. That's it.

Happy New Year's, everybody. Make 2011 your bitch.

The Mainland, The Truck and The Road Trip. A Tutorial To My Last Month

2010-12-22T17:26:00.000-09:00

Leave Hawaii. Be really excited about it. Try to check in with the wrong airline and yell at the machine. Be really embarrassed and leave the scene as quickly as possible.

Ask a very androgynous guy to swap seats so Jake and I can sit together. "Haha, I don't think so, nice try sweetheart, haha." Christen him The Bitter Queen. Spend the 8 hour flight plotting capital murder.

Arrive in Tucson, Arizona and meet Jake's sisters. Have a blast. Pick up his truck and be excited to the moon and back. Sneak into the bar his sister in law is playing with her band by carrying drum sets and selling T-Shirts. Be hit on by a Lesbian who wants to compliment you by saying you "don't even look old enough to be in here." Leave the scene as quickly as possible.

Pass the Grand Canyon. Discover your hike is closed. Have Japanese tourists take your picture so you can still pretend you've been there.

Literally spend every day you're in Vegas crying. Decide you hate the place even more than Alice Springs.
Hike the very pretty Valley of Fire. Witness the "Grand Opening" of a new Hotel/Casino. Be disappointed along with hundreds of other people and two News Channels when there's no lights or sounds or fireworks at the end of the countdown. Spend the next hour trying to get out of the place, which leads you through all kinds of shops and gambling places all while trying to keep Jake from shanking somebody in the kidney.

Go to Oklahoma. Eat horrible food at the "LEAST TOURISTY PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN!" Attend Jake's army buddy's sparkly pretty awesome wedding. Pretend to never have freaked out about what to wear.

Drive to Missouri. Remember how much you hate staying at a smoker's house. Be snuck into a bar and FINALLY rediscover the beer you once had in Melbourne and had been searching for ever since. Get so excited you spill half of it. Visit the St. Louis Arch and make a fuss about how everybody's going to die on the way to the top. Drive to a mall and remember what a horrible idea that is before the holidays. Be taken to the Bosnian Quarter, eat cheese burek and feel a little bit at home. Check into a hotel. Update your blog. Hope your readers will forgive the hiatus.

A Short Story On A Bladder Infection, A Suicide Attempt, The Kindness of Strangers and The Best Invested 15$ EVER

2010-11-30T19:33:00.000-09:00

In June this year, I had a kidney infection. It is so far number 10 on my pain scale. When I woke up with hellish pain that morning, I tried really hard to die, but it didn't quite work out, so I went to the hospital. I hate doing emergency medical shit on my own. It makes me feel really lonely and really vulnerable.

So last week, I caught a bladder infection, which in the beginning was bearable and Jake fed me the ridiculous amount of 2.5 gallons of cranberry juice to make it go away but it didn't, and the moment I started contemplating suicide today I figured I might want to have something done about the situation.
Needless to say I'm home alone and homeslice won't be back for a couple more hours.

The bus station is a 45 minute walk away on which I embark in the greatest ladypartpain I have ever been in. I'll start restocking on pain killers for that dreaded day of childbirth time now. About halfway there I am somewhere between close to tears and wanting to kill a random person or at least kick them in the testicles with a high heel really hard, when a little red car pulls up to me. "Hey, you need a ride?" HEAVEN SENT YOU. I thank him but refuse, which I kind of regret now because I think he was genuinely friendly and being turned down when you offer saintly help is kind of uncool; and then go about my freshly made day with a lot less hatred for the world. I smooched that dude in the face in spirit.

Then at the doctor's office I have to fill out a ridiculous amount of paperwork, and they ask me for a local address. I'm unsure as of what to put down so pick Jake's old apartment, to which I don't know the number, so i try to call him five times but he is in the shower so he doesn't get my calls or text and then the front desk lady decides to not torture me any longer and let it drop.

After a good while's worth of waiting the doctor examines me and asks me how much pain I'm in, on a scale of 1 to 10. She is a little impressed when I shout out EIGHT without any hesitation. Note to self: Never let 4 days pass before you consider treating your bladder infection. Ever. Again.
That whole story comes down to about 180$, and I smooch my mama in the face in spirit for getting me a 15$ traveler's insurance that will cover all of that.

Then Jake is done with work and picks me up and buys me Sweet Tea and more cranberries and I smooch him in the face for real and take my first antibiotic and hate the world far less.

The End.

10 Things I'm Thankful For This Year

2010-11-26T23:52:00.001-09:00

Being my first Thanksgiving and all, I'd like to take some time to recapitulate the wonderful things 2010 has brought me. There's been a lot.

1. The Kindness Of Strangers
I have experienced so much travel luck, so many free rides, so many open doors during my travels that sometimes I can just sit back with my jaw dropped and ponder on the goodness that's been happening to me. I can't even properly express my awe. People have shared their home, their food and their experiences with me, there was no bad situation without a good samaritan, and I really hope I'll be able to give back to the world real soon.

2. My New Love
Although we both thought we knew each other fairly well after a year of talking, things could have gone horribly different from the day I spontaneously flew to Hawaii just to spend the next couple months with a man I'd never met in person. I'm grateful for having a relationship in which I feel appreciated, supported, and so good about myself that we can pull jokes at each others expense all day long and both find it hilarious.

3. My Full Blown Insanity
Dude, I graduated, went to Australia for two months, worked three jobs, went to Alaska, drove to Canada, spontaneously decided to take a short cut to Hawaii to meet my deployed soldier pen pal, and now I'm in his barracks room amidst packed boxes, getting ready to go on a 4 week road trip with him, and in late January I'll show up in Berlin without an apartment, a job, friends or money, and make it in a heartbeat.
Any more questions?

4. My Friends And Family
I've just recently realized how awesome those people are for being actively excited that I get to do all this traveling while they would much rather be in my shoes. My parents still talk to me even though I randomly went to America for 5 months, and my friends actually keep in touch, which is a rare thing for serial long-term travelers.

5. The Internet
Yes, the Internet. It has brought me filmmaking resources, travel information, language learning for free, and Number Two of this list. I probably wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't had the world wide web to find couchsurfing places,film crew members and jobs or inspiring dispatches from other brave people. I think we should all appreciate that.

6. My Crazy Luck
Starting to work a job the day after you decided you needing one. People going places I want to go and inviting me along for a free ride. Finding traveler's checks you'd forgotten about just when things start looking real bad financially. Last minute couch request replies when you were sure you'd have to sleep in a park that night.

7. Being Raised Bilingual
THANK YOU MAMA. I grew up with German and Bosnian, which are so different from each other that I can pick up new languages in a heartbeat. I'm currently trying to get my French from uhm-uhm-conversant to actually fluent, and Swedish and Russian are my next goals. And guess what, thanks to German I understand a lot of Swedish already, and Bosnian ain't all that different from Russian.

8. Being Tall
I'm over 6 ft. I used to be really self-conscious about it in High School, but now I appreciate it very much. Mostly because it makes you much less of a desired target when you're lost at night.

9. Incurious Security Gate Personnel
If they had interrogated me like the Airport Security did every time I wanted to get onto the Military Base in Hawaii, I probably would have been deported.

10. QUEEN SIZE MATRESSES
Whoever told you two people sleeping in a single size bed for two months was any sort of romantic was high.

La'ie Mormons or Friendliness Overdose

2010-11-25T21:08:00.000-09:00

La'ie was great. It's a small, really pretty college town that's mostly overlooked by tourists since there isn't *actually* anything to do there. I greatly enjoyed wandering though, and the beaches were pristine and so beautiful. (Let's not fool anyone though, it's not like I go into the ocean when I'm alone.)

Its best known attraction is probably the Mormon Temple. Their visitor center was very beautifully decorated. A mix of Hawaii and Christmas doesn't come often.
I was guided, at first, by an American girl with short strawberry blond hair that was so cute I literally wanted to eat her. She then discovered I'm German (yay, I now have to tell people rather than have my accent give me away) and assigned me to a different guide, who was German herself and had lived about an hour away from my hometown. She was only pinch-her-in-the-cheeks-cute, though.
Despite not being as intrusive as some other missionaries, she did pester one of the Elders to go get me a book of Mormon in German. He didn't seem enthused at all, which I've been told might be because single women usually are not supposed to just walk up there without their family and convert. Not that I'm planning to convert, though. The Elder made me promise to read it though. I said I'd try.

Then, Wednesday, 8 pm, I'm waiting for the very reliable Hawaiian bus, which is late, and it's raining a little bit, too. A car pulls up. Two little girls, maybe 9 and 11, walk up to me all shyly and ask me where I'm going. "Mililani", I say. "Oh, ok." - "Why are you asking?" - "We thought maybe we'd give you a ride."

This is the situation my parents warned me about. But this is also Hawaii's Mormon capital, and boy these people are friendly. I thank them, but refuse to take the offer. Mililani is 90 minutes away.

A Bus Ride From WTF?

2010-11-22T21:31:00.001-09:00

I was looking for an image of Hawaii's TheBus, and what I found on Page 1 had me curl up laughing:


Image found here

Now, bus drivers in Hawaii generally don't like to answer your questions. They prefer staring at your face until you give up and move on to nicer things, like your sweaty seat neighbor; and then later tell you off for not knowing the thing you wanted to know and doing it all wrong. It's always a pleasure.

So today, I hopped on one of them to take me to my new couchsurfing hosts' place in La'ie. The bus stop was around a 30 minute walk away, all while Oahu was showing me the finger by not providing anything but grass by the highway or the highway itself to walk there on
Old trusty Google Maps told me the 52 bus I was on would become a 55 bus at Turtle Bay, but explicitly asked to stay on board. So when we pulled into Turtle Bay and the bus stopped, I wasn't thinking anything of it. The Chinese bus driver got up, explained something in his native tongue, and left the bus with 12 Chinese passengers.
When he got back and saw me plus the other two white girls still inside, his facial expression went to utterly scandalized and he motioned with hands feet and tongue that the buses were being switched and we needed to get on that one right there that is currently pulling out of the parking space thank you very much. We ran there and managed to wave the driver down. I then got hit on by some weirdo.

But La'ie seems very laid-back and pretty, and my CS host looks like Regina Spektor. I bought a bottle of Sweet Tea and she fed me a cupcake, so hey, nothing to complain about.

A Luau or Wish I Was Hangin' With The Natives

2010-11-21T16:50:00.004-09:00

A Luau is a Hawaiian feast with lots of people, entertainment, food and booze. And the waiters are too busy to ask for IDs when you order cocktails... ahem. It was pretty cool, but also very commercialized and touristy, pretty much what you'd expect. Whenever I'm somewhere with an indigenous population, I'm always bummed out I don't get to dive into their culture more. Australia, Alaska and Hawaii all have their history, and also their problems, with the native population, and I can't say I don't understand why they don't want get all snuggly with white people.
I wasn't expecting it, naturally, but whenever I catch a glimpse, I get a little melancholic. I mean seriously, how cool would it be if you had eaten that Kalua Pig in a jungle surrounded by Hawaiians who totally don't understand a thing you're saying after going hunting with them and making an underground oven out of lava rocks? Exactly.
(I can totally hear you say how I would have been on the roast myself.)
Then again, no point in complaining, so why not lean back and enjoy the show instead.

And as usual, there's more pictures over at Flickr

* * *.

On a different note - what are you thinking about the new Disposable Facejob? I found the old design too cluttered and chaotic so I tried freeing it all up a little. Plus this time the header is actually a picture I personally took of the place I'm at right now; think I'm going to keep that one up. Any suggestions concerning stuff to add or to get rid off?

Beach Camping, Thinking Time.

2010-11-19T17:23:00.002-09:00

I spent the past three days on the very Northwestern tip of Oahu, sleeping in a tent by the shore. It was absolutely wonderful. I had been feeling stressed for a while now, and my mind demanded some time for head clearing. So when my couchsurfing host Shestin offered me his backyard, I knew this was the perfect spot.
Beside me, there were 7 (!) other people staying in or around his place, and we spent long nights sitting by the bonfire, enjoying the sound of the ocean and the unhealthiness of smores. I left a day early due to storm warnings, but it was an amazing experience.

What I needed most was to feel the travel experience again. I'd been living in one room for several weeks, and it didn't feel all that crazy and independent anymore. Suppose I'm, well, "unique" enough to miss worrying about where to sleep and what to eat ;) Seriously though, it was mostly about the people and the alone time. It helped me calm my thoughts, look at things from afar, and set my priorities straight. And for now, my priorities are traveling, freedom and happiness. I also finally managed to stop thinking 10 years ahead and instead concentrate on what lies right before me. I've wasted too much time and missed too much joy because I would be so engaged in thoughts about the future, and I'm determined to stop doing that.
Also, I decided that when I grow up, I'll buy or build a cabin on the shore in my personal paradise that is Perth, Australia.

More pictures here.

Locked Alone In A Cubicle For 24 Hours. FUN.

2010-11-10T19:27:00.001-09:00

Backstory is a secret, but there's two things I can tell you:

a) No, the room did not have padded walls.
b) A little into it, I wish it had.

I wasn't technically locked in. I just couldn't get my hands on a key, so once I left, there ain't no way back in. Honolulu Hostels gave a poop about me. And randomly sleeping outside is kind of not my favorite. So here's how I survived, kinda.

a) Yoga.
Sun Salutation after Sun Salutation in order to keep my back from punching me in the face, and to keep myself from wishing for padded walls real hard. Worked alright. Meditation and Breathing Exercises help too. During Meditation, I realized I probably have ADD.

b) Filmmaking.
Reading dispatches from No Budget filmmakers, reading how to write an awesome script, write an awesome script, give it to the forums to devour, write an even better script. It's called A Ghost In D Minor and I'm shooting in April. That's pretty much the best thing I got out of this.

c) Film watching.
Watched Gegen Die Wand (Head On), which is super famous in the German film scene but not really that good at all, and Battle For Haditha which is a film on a massacre in Iraq filmed with actual ex-marines and actual Iraqis rather than pro actors, and it's really good and really disturbing.

d) Omegle.
When text chatting got boring, video chatting. I was aware that a percentage of the male population on there deems it necessary to show off their genitals to the general public, but good lord, I had no idea how large that percentage was.
I did have two really cool conversations though with people I'll keep in touch with.

e) NAKED STRUGGLE FOR SURVIVAL
So Domino's decided not to deliver to this location anymore. Fuck you, Domino's. Wanna know what i ate all day? Plain cheese. That's right, not even bread or salad with it. And Oatmeal. A massive amount of Oatmeal.

I kind of do not wish to repeat this experience. It was kind of horrible. Which is partly because I didn't get out of this place too much the past couple days anyways. Got a photoshoot for Friday and I'm forcing special someone to a beach date, and maybe a helicopter date. He's excited.

Lost In Transition? - Of Strangers, Trust and Couchsurfing.

2010-11-02T17:21:00.001-08:00

I think I should give up worrying about stuff for good.

image found here

As I could suddenly no longer be in the barracks and couldn't find a couchsurfer in that short amount of time, Sunday night Jake's best friend&wife received a semi-desperate phonecall and were kind enough to let me stay at their place for the night. After sleepless 9 hours spent worrying about the next step, I posted an "emergency emergency couch request" on my lifesaver website. Next thing you know my inbox goes like boom full of people inviting me to stay at their place! I accepted the first guy who seemed really cool plus was a fellow filmmaker plus lived uberclose to the beach and Diamond Head, and decided to hate on Hawaii much less from now on. I packed up my belongings and wrote down my bus schedule when suddenly the wife goes "Ivy, why don't you stay with us for the week? I like having you around."

Nuff said.

But things got me thinking. What is it that makes us invite strangers to our homes? I'm often asked what I get out of hosting, and I can't really come up with a sufficient answer. I like having people around, especially if they are from a different country and speak in an awesome accent. I have experienced so much hospitality myself that I want to give back to the world for treating me so well. And you never know, you might find a new friend. I found everybody I met there to be open-minded, well-traveled or at least really interested, and extremely friendly. Many I spoke to also said they did it for budget reasons at first, but soon grew to see so much more in it.
Is this a reaction to individualization going on around us? For me, maybe it is. I like open doors, open minds, and open hearts. I like when it's not weird to approach a stranger. I like Free Hug Campaigns.

To answer another popular question: Yes, it is tiring to move around so much. You sure do get used to it, but to everybody and mine's surprise, I'm actually looking forward to settling down in a little room in Berlin, to decorate a place for the first time ever, to work a full time job, and have a stable circle of friends.
But I do love the couch hopping and doubt I'll give it up so soon. Travel is a wonderful way to live fast forward, to make so many new friends and experience so much in such a short amount of time.You should sure not be careless, but there really isn't so much to fear.
Truth is - most people are good.

Have I Become A Spoiled Travel Brat?

2010-10-28T13:13:00.000-08:00

See, I'm positive there are many people back home who would like to punch me in the solarplexus for all the traveling I've done this year. Because I'm "so lucky that [I] can do that!" and they "wish [they] had the opportunity!" Honestly? It's not like it's been raining gold and time on me, man.

I'm 19 years old, and I graduated High School in Europe this year. We encourage the gap year, so I took it. To be able to pay for it, I worked three jobs for three months - waitressing at two places and giving English lessons (and unpaid work as a film production manager for my resume.) I approached CouchSurfing hosts from the places I wanted to visit and booked nothing but my very first flight. From there on, I applied my infamous, patented. sparkling magic budget travel technique:

1. Really really want it
2. Really really try
3. Trust strangers

And things have been working out magically for me. I got free rides from people that were going where I wanted to go anyway, I have been taken on adventures by people who love to show off the place they live, and I have made a lot of new friends. People are good.

The one thing I have noticed, though, is that slowly, things just became so accessible to me. The world is mine. When booking a flight from Vancouver, Canada to Oahu, Hawaii on a whim and arriving 24 hours later cost you less than 300$, you stop feeling that stuff is impossible. Berlin-Morocco? 150$ return. I started being spontaneous and doing what I felt like doing, and I realized that I can. And if I can, why couldn't you, too?

This is where I wonder whether things have lost their magic.In Germany, you can easily earn ~600$ a month waitressing part-time, without tips. That pays me a return flight and even feeds me for a month if I stay at people's homes instead of hostels. There's no secret, really.

What are you waiting for?

How To Piss Off All Your European Friends

2010-10-24T23:17:00.001-08:00

1. Have your American Military (le gasp!) boyfriend teach you how to shoot

2. Have fun being badass.

Jake's roommate got a Scar (the tan one), we got the M4 on my first morning in Hawaii and wanted to let the babies play a little bit. Went to Koko Head Range which is located on the prettiest part of the island and managed to piss me off bad for not bringing swimwear, which could have ended badly for reasons pictured above. It was a whole lot of fun, and I did way better than we all thought. I'm usually not good at motorics and stuff because I'm a giant. We then proceeded to have Greek food and topped the day off with a trip to the bookstore and a MINT OREO BLIZZARD. And I was promised a picnic date on the North Shore tomorrow so I'm all like Yaaaaay.

My 50 Things To Do In Life

2010-10-20T14:07:00.002-08:00

To be continued. Share yours in the comments :)

Make a movie that makes more than it cost
Make a movie that feeds me until I make the next one
Visit 6 continents before I'm 21 (Europe, N. America, Australia)
Stay at an oriental hotel
Go on a Round-the-world trip for 1 year
Have a “godchild” in a 3^rd world country
Go to Bangkok
Write and stage an epic play
Play Blanche DuBois (A Streetcar Named Desire) on stage
Have a male friend that is really just a friend
Have a home base I actually like
Get a dog as a sign I'm settling down
Get married to someone I'm all about
Give birth to a child
Give said child a strange middle name
Learn to play an instrument well
Learn more languages (4)
Book a safari for my Mom
Swim out into the ocean (I'm dead terrified of sharks etc.)
Get rid of asthma for good
Expand my pea-sized bladder
Educate myself on the Middle East war
Learn sewing my own clothes
Learn burlesque dancing
Have sex in a helicoper
Learn cooking real awesome
Scuba-dive
Write a novel
See Perth again
Have a solo exhibition with my photography
Do performance art
Go on a cruise
Film a documentary
~~Dye my own hair~~ (November 2010)
Take my little sister on a trip
~~Overcome thisthingthatoncehappened for good~~ (November 2010)
Run a marathon
Have a creative writing group
Complete a pilgrimage
Experience Mardi Gras
Experience Burning Man
Go on a journey through the American South
Take silly pictures in a photobooth
Act in a movie
Do something I find crazy myself
Own a car
Go on a Eurotrip in a VW bus
Drive through entire Russia
Take singing lessons
Learn to fly some kind of aircraft

Good Morning Hawaii.

2010-10-15T13:51:00.000-08:00

Life is being nice. I have mostly sorted out my quarter life crisis, and I'm actually even looking forward to Berlin and shooting film again next year. Got three screenplays up my sleeve :)
On Oahu, I've got two more months, and it feels like a nice little hiatus from traveling, although I'd never ever ever choose it as my home base. There's very little to do, and even though I managed to drive around this tiny island all running out of gas and lost for several hours (typical ivyventure), there isn't all that much to do. I feel like a lucky spoiled brat for not appreciating the chance to be here, but I'm happy the beach hasn't gotten old yet.
I'm moving to a reeeally nice couchsurfer's place on Waikiki tomorrow and I'm excited about it. There will be 7 of us in the house, which brings back the hostel feeling that I miss, plus Honolulu has a lot of free culture events and workshops (and the International Film Festival :D :D)
I've also started organizing a couple photo shoots since I'm still all fizzy inside about my "new" camera, and the scenery (and pretty Asian girls) should be taken advantage of!

The day after I got all lost in the car, I went up to Haleiwa, way up north on the island. A desperate looking woman approached me, asking whether I knew where "The Sheraton" was. "No, idea, sorry... Is it supposed to be on the North Shore?" - "I don't know! I'm lost with my four boys, I've been trying to find this place for hours now!" - "Well, where is it supposed to be?" - "On Waikiki Beach..." I burst out laughing. "Man, you are SO far away from Waikiki Beach!" She looks at me like I just kicked her puppy. "Is it more than 5 miles?" I bite my tongue. "It's in Honolulu. On the complete opposite side of the island. If you're lucky, you'll make it there in two hours."
Poor woman, I felt for her. Especially with four kids... It's one of those adventures that would happen to me, only I'd think it's funny.

I might cycle around the entire island (200km... totally doable in a week) and videotape the whole thing some time during the trip. If I can overcome my camping-alone-phobia. But currently, I'm busy being lazy, drinking Hot Chocolate, and blatantly ignoring Disposable Homes schedules. A friend of mine said it's because there are "pink hearts flying out of [my] head."

This is not Alaska... a personal update

2010-10-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

I love it so far! Jake took me to a hotel at Waikiki Beach the evening I arrived (after being three hours early at the airport <3) so we wouldn't have to worry about driving home at 3 am all tired and tipsy, and it was awesome. We missed the Jacuzzi though because who would have thought it's already 11 pm?! It felt great to finally have him around in 3D, I'm glad I came. Had I stuck to my initial travel plans I'd have come for Halloween, but Vancouver and Seattle were expecting heavy rain for a while, plus remember how I swore to live in the moment? Well, that moment on Friday night I felt like seeing him, so I booked my flight for the morning... that's what I do.

The single one thing that subtracts from my euphoria is that I'm stuck home half the day, you can't exactly walk anywhere from here and he needs the car for work. Although today he could lend it to me and I did what I like doing most, which is getting lost in the middle of nowhere. At least it was pretty:

I met a whole lot of his friends at the ~~welcome home from your extended vacation in the middle east~~ redeployment ceremony yesterday, who were all excited I actually existed and traveled so far just to see him. I had expected it to take forever and be extra super cheesy (I totally would not have minded, I heart sap), but it was done so quickly I didn't even get to take any pictures apart from this one:

I'm head over heels. This entire thing would be material for a whole post called "My Cheesier-Than-Twilight Love Story." In short, I approached him online while he was deployed to Iraq in December last year, we exchanged e-mails, then letters, packages, then countless hours of Skype conversations, but I was in a (dying) relationship so we kept it platonic. In April, when I went to Australia for two months, Jake was sent to an even worse place and we almost didn't talk at all. The day I returned from Australia, I broke up with my ex. While all my friends had a very strong opinion on whether I should or not, my pet soldier was the only one just telling me to think it through and follow my heart... Shortly after that we got heavily into talking sweet. We were supposed to merely go on a 4 week road trip together, but as things progressed emotionally I decided I wanted to spend more time with him, so I started working three jobs and went through the whole extended visa procedure. Went to Alaska. Went to Vancouver. Skipped rainy Seattle, went straight to Hawaii, been in a lovey daze ever since.

We have the exact same kind of retarded crappy humor (our nicknames for each other include "Mongo" and "Wild Stallion"), I'm counting the hours until he gets home from work, and yes, we are THAT couple holding hands in the car. It's awesome.

Budget Travel Food - 5 recipes

2010-10-05T07:00:00.004-08:00

1. Survival Sandwiches
- Toast - Mayonnaise - Lettuce - Cheese -

These are relatively self-explanatory - you spread the mayo on your bread, put some lettuce on it, add a slice of cheese or two. If you can afford it, add tomatoes and onions.
I get fed up with them after about two weeks.

2. Survival Chili
- Rice - Baked Beans - Corn -

Cook the rice. Shortly before it's done, throw the beans and corn kernels into the pot to heat them up. Done.
Careful if you're not solo-traveling...

3. Survival Make-Me-Fats
- Toast - Peanut Butter - Bananas -

Peanut butter goes on toast, banana slices go on peanut-buttered toast. This is not necessarily healthy to eat very often, but since neither cooking nor refrigerating are necessary, these are my arms of choice for lengthy road trips and hikes as they will keep your insulin level high for greater amounts of time.

4. Survival Chicken Noodles
- Pasta - Chicken pieces -

You boil the noodles and chicken pieces until they're done.
I recommend not buying a pack of chicken off the shelf but ordering the exact amount you need at the meat counter as getting small amounts doesn't cost you extra in the long run there. If you're inclined gustatorily and financially, get some 1.50$ Asian sauce to go with it.

5. Survival Potato Magic
- Potatoes - Some kind of sauce -

Potatoes are awesome. You can cook them, grill them, boil them, fry them, put them in the basement and watch them grow aliens from their bellies... ahem.
So boil, grill, cook or fry a couple potatoes and eat them with Sweet&Sour, Ranch, Honey Mustard, Whathaveyou-Sauce. Golden.

If you have any more ideas, post them to the comment section and let me add them!

Sometimes I do crazy shit, sometimes I do very crazy shit and find myself on Hawaii and officially taken.

2010-10-03T21:33:00.001-08:00

9 pm, Friday, Vancouver. I decide I can't wait any longer. I call Jake. "What are you doing tomorrow night?" - "Uuuuh... probably... nothing special... why are you asking?" - "Wanna pick me up at Honolulu Airport tomorrow at 7 pm?" - "..." - "Hello?" - "Are you fucking serious?!"

4 am, Saturday, Vancouver. I get up to drive to the airport, ready for a 14 hour journey. Stopping in Seattle and San Francisco. Sure there are direct flights that only take 6 hours, just not when you decide you want to fly in less than 10 hours.

10 am, Seattle. I'm dead tired and straightening my hair in the airport bathroom. I don't care that four men, including the one I care about, told me it doesn't matter.

3 pm, San Francisco. The airline is looking for volunteers to give up their seats for several soldiers to fly home. I totally would have, if my own hadn't been expecting me.

5 pm, Pacific Ocean. The guy next to me starts making fun of me for going to the bathroom twice an hour because I'm so nervous. "Maybe next time I should ask for an aisle seat."

7 pm, Honolulu. I sprint to the baggage claim and wrap both my arms and legs about SPC Charming. Several Asian women enjoy the scene with "Aww" and giggles.

12 pm, Sunday, Waikiki. We check out of a double room with ocean view after a wonderful evening out.

1 pm, Waikiki. I attend my first gun show, he buys a rifle, and I feel fully immersed in American culture.

6 pm, Wahiawa. We change our Facebook statuses to "In a relationship with..."

10 Things Travel Made Me Appreciate

2010-10-03T17:47:00.003-08:00

1. Knowing how stuff works.
Because the bus driver tells you off in a language you don't understand for being in a country whose public transport system you don't understand. Because you find out US cell phone companies charge for incoming calls after 30 minutes of talking to someone overseas. Because you offend your hosts by doing something you didn't know was not all that dandy in their culture.

2. Deep friendships.
Yes, you meet an incredible amount of people that you bond with much faster than back home. But do they listen to your rants without judging, advising, asking for a 1 hour background info talk or run off screaming? Most people I meet in my travels are great to hang out with, but only a couple of them will listen when you get all OMFG.

3. Toilets.
After an uncountable mass of Let's Just Pee Behind That Bush Over There in the Alaskan wilderness, a gas station toilet is one of the most beautiful things you ever laid eyes on. I swear to god.

4. High-Speed Internet.
It takes me 8 hours to upload a three minute travel vlog episode? Really? I mean, really?

5. Not having to turn every penny thrice.
Food Budget. Accomodation budget. Activity budget. Transportation budget. A little bit of starving, too. And can you really afford takeaway coffee?

6. TOMATOES
I survive on Mayo-Lettuce-Cheese sandwiches a lot. Being able to afford tomatoes? Did you say onions, even? Oh my god, today is such a beautiful day!

7. Walking down the road at night? Safe.
Not getting stabbed in the kidney for your cell phone and 20$? Sweet.

8. Making a mess.
I stay at people's places rather than at hostels a lot, and I move around very often. Putting my backpack down in a room where I can scatter its contents all over the floor without a bad conscience is priceless.

9. Travel Planning.
Sure I am enjoying my current trip. Sure I know it's unorthodox to already dream of other destinations... but Morocco sounds so good right now.

10. Appreciating.
I love hearing the angels sing when I take some chicken off the shelf after two weeks of budget-vegetarianism. I love smiling for 15 minutes because of a single tomato. I love learning to love the tiny, tiny, tiny things.

Anch/Vanc Roadfest Extravaganza in 8 Easy Steps

2010-09-29T09:48:00.010-08:00

1. Pack your video camera
Make sure your big battery gives up on you beforehand so there's no way your travel vlog can become really awesome.

2. Drive in the wrong direction a few times
Because if you don't, you're like so boring, dude.

3. Get a lot of unexpected snow
Preferably in the evening so you can add freezing to death and being snowed in somewhere nobody ever goes to worries like back pain and deep vein thrombosis.

4. Spot some wildlife
After spending a month in Alaska encountering one single moose, spot two foxes, two bears and three moose. Take close up shots. Make girly, squeaky noises.

5. Go 500 km without an open gas station.
Spend the night in some crazy, remote town thinking: Please let the gas station re-open tomorrow or we're seriously screwed.

6. Find no other place to sleep than up a windy uphill road.
Spend the night dreaming of the emergency brake dying and yourself doing the same.
Spend the morning marveling at the view and pretending you weren't afraid in the first place.

7. Attempt to find your host's house in Vancouver.
TOO BAD THERE ARE THREE ASH STREETS IN VANCOUVER

8. Start feeling your butt again.
Remember the fun you had; be glad it's over.

Lazy Day & Flattop Mountain Hike

2010-09-23T18:35:00.001-08:00

I expected this day to be laid back. Not to say lazy. I woke up at 10 but didn't kick myself out of bed until three hours later, and overthrew my plans to visit Earthquake Park in favor of sitting on my bum while working on my Disposable Empire. (If you knew what grandeur is awaiting you!)
So most of my Wednesday was spent by planning and organizing my blog and the next leg of this journey, getting a Flickr account, eating an entire box of Green Tea ice cream, and justifying that by doing a little bit of yoga.
I had considered hiking Flattop mountain before I leave Anchorage, but transport&admission fees were out of budget. Well, by now, we all know Ivy's luck:
Cliff, my host, gets home from work, throws his bag in a corner and goes: "I'm gonna hike Flattop, you wanna come?" Hell yeah I wanna come!

It was a beautiful sunset hike. I'd say it's moderately difficult, there are some straining parts and neither of fancied going all the way to the up and then hiking back in the dark, so we went to the hill just before the very top and called that our personal summit.

I have a feeling I've been posting too many pictures and too little text the past couple days, but I took a little break from crazy adventures. Not for too long though, as this is what's coming up next:
Crystal's boyfriend is driving from Anchorage to Portland, and he offered to take me to Vancouver. It is a 3-4 day drive, and we will be sleeping in the car. Yes, not a truck, a regular car. I am half excited and half not, but I already started filming for a couple episodes of "Anch/Vanc Roadfest Extravaganza", so I can finally start a video series on my travels, which is one of the reasons I came here afterall.
In terms of the big roadtrip, plans have been changed a third time, and my Rosenkavalier is no longer being sent to Fairbanks, Alaska (which would have only extended the route), but to Kansas. The route Las Vegas - Kansas City isn't all that exciting, but I will get to spend a significant amount of time in New Orleans, which I have been yearning to visit ever since I read A Streetcar Named Desire. Always look on the bright side of life.

Photo Essay: Anchorage Street Art

2010-09-22T13:44:00.003-08:00

I'm back in Anchorage and spent yesterday afternoon stumbling upon beautifully painted walls like these... The city is full of them! I was especially excited to see the Whaling Wall (#1) as I found it online before I came but had completely forgotten about it.

If you'd like to know the location of any of these, don't hesitate to let me know. They're all within walking distance from each other!

Poverty Is A State Of Mind

2010-09-20T20:33:00.005-08:00

Three months before I set off on this trip, I started working three jobs. I was a busser at two different cafes, I taught private English lessons, and I would take a week or two off in order to work as a production manager on short films. It was not a very happy time. But as with all hardships, I find, knowing what you are doing this for helps you survive greatly, so anytime I was yelled at after a maximum of 4 hours sleep, I would sing "Hawaii, Hawaii, Hawaii, Hawaii..." to myself.

My route was planned like this:

Alaska - Vancouver - Hawaii - Roadtrip: Las Vegas to Seattle (now to Fairbanks, Alaska since SPC Charming is being stationed there instead. Tentatively. Again.)

Subtracting the flight from Frankfurt to Anchorage, which cost the 400 Euros (roughly 520$) I had saved up from my Australia trip, my budget for a 4-5 month adventure was 1200 Euros (1550$.) Makes 7 Euros (9$) a day for food, transportation, phone credit and accomodation. I will write a guide on how to travel like this in the future, but this post's point is another one:

I have experienced more luck and friendliness than ever before.

Examples. 1. Cliff takes me to a cabin in the woods and drops me off in Talkeetna,

2. where I spend a tiring day looking for a ride and succeed to get up to Fairbanks,

3. where I get sick and the hostel owner opens her secret sauna for me, after which

4. Kyle picks me up and plans a great Glacier hike Yukon River Camping Outdoors Fest

with me and then asks a couple of

5. Anchorage friends of his whether they could take me back down, where I meet Crystal's

boyfriend

6. Greg by coincidence who is driving to Vancouver the day I wanted to book my flight

for.

Everything falls into place. Think I should write a guide on how to be lucky, too. :D

Maybe it's just Alaska, but people are so eager to help you out! With the help of friends, friends' friends and random strangers, I was never hungry and never stranded having to hitch hike or camp at the side of the road. Experiencing so much warmth from people I barely know has made me happier than any fancy item I could have bought could ever make me. I might not have bought any souvenirs, and my diet consisted of sandwiches a lot, but I met a whole bunch of great guys and got a whole lot of support from people I didn't know. And knowing that a stranger cares enough about you to go hundreds of miles out of their way without ever holding it against you or expecting anything in return changes the way you look at life, and it changes your image of loneliness. There is no more such thing.

Yukon River Picturefest

2010-09-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

Because no-trail hiking is more fun...

...kinda.

But definitely gets you street cred.

"Nooo, don't take a picture of me cheating!"

That night, my dearests, was bound to become the most beautiful one in my life so far. I have yet to find the proper way to word this, but it definitely changed my way of looking at life. All I will say for now is that there were Northern Lights...

Castner Glacier or How I Almost Got Killed

2010-09-15T23:29:00.000-08:00

Now, see that last picture? It could have the last one ever taken of me breathing.

Two of my friends went down into a valley inside a valley to find the entrance to an ice cave and were bombarded by gravel rolling down a hill on a pretty regular basis. Me and another girl stayed a little further up to warn them when something big was aiming at them... and something was.

"WATCH OUT WATCH OUT A ROCK IS COMING RIGHT AT YOU", I yelled, but they couldn't hear me and jumped to the side as a fist size rock hit right between the two. They look down and realize they're standing on an entire pile of rocks, so we decide it might be a better idea to get moving.

I get up only to see a head sized rock shooting downhill at the speed of light and smashing into the exact place I was sitting 2 seconds ago. There would have been no way for me to move away before it scattered my head into pieces.

Whew.

Three Reasons To Hate Me

2010-09-11T12:13:00.001-08:00

So yesterday morning, I was waiting for my new CouchSurfing host at the hostel, typing up a blog entry called "The Travel OMFG or Why Ivy Needs To Calm The F!@#$% Down" about things not going all that well on this journey at the moment. Before I could hit send, Kyle appeared at the door to pick me up. From there on, things were looking bright!
He's supersuperfriendly and generous and eager to help, and we're getting along awesome. I had been in a ~~slightly~~ very bad mood because I didn't manage to do too much outdoorsy stuff the two weeks I was here, and I had pretty much given up hope to go to Denali as it's closing in a week.
Well, turns out, all the lucky stars are on my side again, and since Kyle's a firefighter and has four days off in a row, this is my schedule for the next couple of days:

Sunday: Hiking to and on a Glacier in the Delta Mountains

Monday&Tuesday: Drive to the Yukon River, park the car and go play and camp in the wilderness

(If I get to see Northern Lights while camping I will im-effin'-plode)

Wednesday: Go to Denali National Park. See the text message quoted in my previous post to learn what I think of Denali

And ALSO! I decided that I could no longer justify being in Alaska without a camera, and that I wasn't going to use my college money to go to college anytime soon anyway (Why? See above), so I got myself a little bit of used Canon 20D plus zoom lense (I was promised to encounter at least a moose next week), which should hopefully arrive in time for at least Denali. Please. Pleeease.

I've eaten rice and cheese sandwiches the past few days, but encountering so much warmth and help from strangers has opened my eyes to the conclusion that Poverty Is A State Of Mind.

But that's material for a different post. I'm now off to surprise Kyle&his fellow firefighters with homemade burgers. Maybe that'll even get me a ride on a fire truck.

I love Alaska.

...And everything fell into place.

2010-09-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

One big, huge adventure.
I'll publish a "series" called "Disposable Homes: Whateverplaceiwasat" as soon as I have proper access to a computer, but for now, I really need to update y'all.

After a wonderful weekend in a cabin inna woods, I was dropped off into uncertainty, this time named Talkeetna. It was very, very touristy, plus I didn't have anybody to stay with and couldn't afford to stay at the hostel I booked for the night much longer. So I needed a ride to Fairbanks, 5 hours north, preferrably for free.
I thus went about town asking in every bar/restaurant/gift shop/visitor center whether anybody knew anybody going that way. I had no luck, and I didn't feel like hitchhiking because, you know, I'm a lady and this is Alaska, so I went back to the hostel with a mood below zero.
The only other people at the hostel were two guys from Oregon.
"Hi, I'm Ivy." - "Dennis." "Bob." "How are you doing?" - "Kinda sucky... Been trying to get a ride aaaall daaaay looong and didn't succeed." - "Oh yeah, where are you headed? We're going to Fairbanks tomorrow morning."
ARE YOU KIDDING?! I love life so much it's not even funny these days.

So the next day we got in the car, needless to say I didn't have a place to stay yet, but they said they might be able to take me to where they're going. That's when things started to go downhill.
The guy said he could only give me backyard space if I had a tent, which I could have lent, but he lived way out of town, nobody could give me a ride downtown and it was too far to walk, too.
Awesome. "So just drop me off at some hostel."

- stop in Denali from where I sent following message to Cliff and Jake: "Holy fucking shit alaska is the most beautiful place in the entire fucking universe i'm hyperventilating in denali" -

Pulling into Fairbanks, my expectations of "It's really gritty. And very scary." were confirmed, and I had another one of those "What do I keep getting myself into in the name of freedom and authentic experience?"
We pull up in front of some B&B. I get in, ask several people where the reception is, but nobody looks up. Well, thanks, no. So the guys take me to another hostel just down the road, which is the creepiest place I ever set foot in, so i refuse to go in there, too. Not wanting to be a girl and overstrech my drivers' generosity, I told em to just drop me off there and I'll... find my way?
I was damn unhappy, damn damn unhappy. It was getting late, too.
They said the only thing they could do is take me back to the B&B, and that sounded like the lesser evil, so I agreed.
And DANG
Nobody answers my question this time either, but I find the lady who runs it on my own, and she is just about the loveliest person ever. She did not only put me in a glass house in the backyward, that was probably the best place I ever set foot on, she also gave me a huge discount because she understood my tight travel budget. her name's Billie, and I might just have found a person for my first documentary.

I'm happy.

Coastal Trail, AK in Pictures

2010-09-02T18:23:00.002-08:00

Truth is, I hate walking. And I walked a goddamn lot these past few days, BUT today, Crystal lent me her bike. Because Crystal is a sweetheart, that's why.

We're heading to a cabin inna woods inna middle of nowhere over the weekend, and Cliff stresses how this is a unique Alaskan Experience that people on guided tours (insert a couple more expletives here) don't get to do. I'm hella excited.

And after that... Talkeetna!

I like, I like.

2010-08-31T11:43:00.000-08:00

Day 3 in Anchorage, and I'm very, very happy. I love the smells of fall and the crisp and clear Alaskan air on my face, and more than ever am I happy to not have any set plans that make me have to leave this place earlier than I'd like to. I'm currently sitting in Cliff's backyard after a nice hot shower, and I am very glad I did make it here.
I spent yesterday wandering around Anchorage all day long. After looking up the distance to downtown on the map and deciding it was too far to walk, I wound up not feeling like waiting for the bus either and do walk there instead. Was pretty damn far, but I enjoyed it.
As I walked out of a diner, I heard someone calling "Excuse me, Miss!" after me. I turned around and yes, it's true that women get asked out aaall the time in Alaska. The guy was being nice and seemed like he did need some courage to approach me, and he wasn't an old creep, but I didn't feel like meeting him so I just told him I was taken and thanked him for asking anyway. In town, I learnt that the Key Bank doesn't charge commission on traveler's checks, which made me extremely happy, and that my accent gives me away as a German again. Damn it!
Rest of the day was spent with a Chai Latte and filling up my travel journal. I've been bad with keeping one back in Oz which is a pity, so I pledged to be very thorough this time.

Have you ever noticed how your perception of time changes during a trip? I feel like I've been here forever, and home seems very far away. My first week in Australia seemed like eternity, the rest went by far too quickly. I'm awfully glad I have so much freedom on this trip now, the immigration officer gave me permission to stay in the US until the end of February, and even though I will more than likely have run out of money before that, I like the feeling of having options. Especially since I'm becoming doubtful as to where I want to go as a career, I'm hoping for these couple of months to clear my head. I don't feel like going back to narrative film at all, and I'm very much leaning towards documentary now. Journalism has been on my wishlist as a job when I was younger already, and I am noticing more and more that I feel unable to cut travelling down to a couple weeks a year. But I'm being bad again, I promised myself to live here and now during this trip and not to think about the future. I'm in Alaska now. I really am!

Cliff won't return from work until later this afternoon, so as soon as I leave the house I need to stay outside, too. After all that wandering yesterday, I don't particularly feel like doing the same again, but how else am I going to pass the time around here? Might go down to Earthquake Park as that ain't too far.
I found a cafe on Google Earth and looking up reviews on it was impossible. Sounds like authentic local Alaskan! I think I'll go there sometime soon and stuff my stomach with another one of those makelunchdispensable American breakfasts. I'm positive I won't be sitting on my own!

Alaska, BABY!

2010-08-29T16:32:00.000-08:00

The flight was unbearably long. I didn't expect 10 hours to get to me that much after spending such a big amount of time in transit during my Australia travels, but booooy the time didn't pass! I was all the more excited when we finally landed.
Turns out, my uberanxious preparation might have been in vain for the visa interview, but those immigration officers around here were very keenly interested in my intentions, plans and preparations. I was goddamn happy I had answers ready. I've been allowed to stay here till the end of February. Yay!

Cliff and Chrystal picked me up and welcomed me to Alaska. I'm in love already. It's actually warmer than Germany was, the air is fantastic and people are incredibly nice. Cliff has a very dry sense of humour, and definitely found it funnier than I did to hand me a gun when he and Chrystal went to get something and I stayed in the car alone after he told me how (not) to behave around here and why. Don't tell my parents about this, yeah?

I just spent an hour talking to Chrystal about girly things and travel plans, and now I'm trying to keep myself awake while updating Disposable Homes while I've got the chance to. Since I'm travelling without much of a plan I'll stay here for a while as I like it a lot so far, but once I step out of Anchorage there's no guarantee for me to be able to write much.
For different reasons each, all three of us are damn tired, so I'll try to pull through another 4 hours or so and then go to bed when the others do.
I adore it so far, and shall spam you soon.

Can Goodbyes Be Easy?

2010-08-27T14:52:00.000-08:00

No they can't. You just learn to deal.

It was a great night. I had promised myself not to cry but my closest friend singing me a song about how I changed her to the good got me.
Yet every end means a beginning... Hello new life.

Free Hugs For Perth!

2010-08-25T04:05:00.002-08:00

Free Hugs Campaign Perth, 18th May 2010

I don't quite remember how I came up with the idea; I had simply felt like doing it for a long while and figured it was the right time. (And boy it was!) Beside recruiting two guys from the hostel I worked in, Donal and Pat, I'd also posted an ad on CouchSurfing which only one guy, Caleb, confirmed. Caleb and I became good friends!

Armed with signs, I went to collect Donal from his room. He was busy surfing the net though, and Pat hadn't yet returned from his job interview. ~~Slightly~~ Mentionably pissed, I went to Murray St. on my own. I didn't want to let shyness cost me a lot of fun, and I didn't want a CouchSurfer to be standing there waiting in vain.

Luckily, right as I stood there and put the sign around my neck, Caleb appeared with two friends he brought along. As soon as they had their signs, a group of exchange students stopped by, got hugged, and were absolutely hooked by the idea. They walked off with their own signs. Literally within about 40 seconds, the group had gone from me only to this happy bunch:

I must have hugged several hundreds of people that day, and it is indescribable how I felt afterwards. It was like being in love with the world, including all the phenylethylamine and endorphine that comes with it.

There's a couple particular incidents I remember - a homeless guy who told me he hadn't been hugged in 25 years, a busker who recognized me from walking past him a couple days before that, a 77-year old guy who told me not to get his "hormones going", and an Indian man who thanked me for organizing this, completely in love with this idea he called "beyond imagination." Caleb told me how he hugged a girl who had been crying, and I don't think anybody will forget that little 4-year old girl who was in for some random affection as well.

Pat, who had expressed his excitement about "cuddle tuesday - the best day in the world!" in a rather drunk state the night before, definitely changed his mind when he visited the scene in a state of sober shyness:

I'm seeing Caleb in Vancouver this fall, and we are bound to repeat the Free Hugs Day plus have a little bit extra fun with strangers, too:

Can't wait!

Shoot Shoot Bang Bang

2010-08-22T12:44:00.000-08:00

This time, Elena took a metric crapton of pictures of Gwen, but Gwen only took one picture of Elena. That one, however, is very gwendollinean. Jake put it "Crazy colors and Victorian clothing.", which hits it pretty well.

I miss having a camera. As for travelling photos, cell phone snapshots will have to be enough to keep you up to date, and I will mainly use my analog camera for proper pictures, but those'll need to be developed.

Here be what Elena took of me. The ancient film camera is a gift from my Dad, we found it on a Croatian bazaar... "I think it might still have film in there!", the vendor said and - opening it. It did. That moment, something inside of me died.

That last picture is probably my favorite picture taken of me in a while. That girl's grand!

Btw, my passport arrived in the mail, it's got a visa in it, and I am going on that crazy trip FO REALZ on Sunday. Yeeeeheheehee!

2 days = weekend. Always.

2010-08-21T09:59:00.001-08:00

I keep telling people I did something "over the weekend" even though it was Tuesday and Wednesday, but if I do something specific for two days and I'm not working, I call it weekend. Period dot.
So, directly after my Visa Application Weekend, I had another Elena&Photography Weekend.
Last time, we watched Everything Is Illuminated, and God did we laugh our limbs off. I adore these kinds of films. This time, we opted for Johnny To Sparrow, which I didn't find as extraordinnary, but still very... cosy. Yes, films can be cosy. Especially Asian ones.

We also made cheer-you-up-and-make-your-belly-wobble cookies. I think next time I might ditch additional sugar altogether, they were sweet like a cheesy Hollywood story.

Didn't work too well as cookies...


...worked great as cookiecrumbs.

Second time more lucky.

I'll show photoshoot pictures as soon as there are results edited!

How To Be Too Nervous About A Visa

2010-08-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

5:15 am. I turn off my cell phone alarm along with the other two I've set and hop online to write down a couple extra adresses as a reference. I haven't had much sleep anyways - went to pee for about four times before I managed to fall asleep. Very lightly, turning in bed a lot, and imagining every. single. possible. scenario. Except for the one that happened of course.
Arrived at the consulate about thirty minutes early. The woman who gave me my ticket number was a serpent. Great way to make me less nervous. Five people at a time are asked into the security check room. I'm carrying a water bottle in my bag. "Would you drink a sip of that, please?" Sure. "Now count to three... ok, you may take it with you." No, Sir, I am not carrying digestible explosives.

Inside the consulate, you wait until your number is called and proceed to the counter to hand in your documents and have them take fingerprints. The guy is really nice and asks me to take a seat until my number is called again for a short interview at the counter over there.
The counter? What do you mean, counter? No locked room with a desk lamp in your face?!
I pass the waiting time with a surprisingly delicious 2 € Macchiato, and hoping I will get the nice one out of the two interviewers. Needless to say, I don't.

"Hello!"
"Hello. Put your finger there please....
So you want to go to the US."
"Yes."
"What do you want to do there?"
"Travel and visit a couple friends."
"How long will you be staying?"
"17 weeks, probably 4 in Canada, but I want to make sure I am allowed to stay in the US longer than 90 days incase I like it better there."
"Who's this you're staying with in Anchorage?"
"Cliff, a friend of mine."
"How do you know him?"
"Online. [Heartbeat. He going to find this dodgy?]"
"Who's paying for your trip?"
"[Whew.] Myself, from savings, and my parents would help if I ran out of money."
"How did you save any money if you make 400€ a month?"
"I graduated this year and got a lot from relatives. Would you like to see my account statement?"
"Uh... Yeah, let's see that."
I pass bank account info, my fund, letter from my Momma assuring she'll pay if I get in trouble.
"Well, I believe your parents will help you out."
He looks at his computer for a while. Heart. Beat.
"Ok, we'll issue you a visa, you'll receive your passport in 7-10 days. Next please."
Wait. What? You don't want to see my additional 19 pages of documents or hear my four hour monologue? And even more importantly, WHERE'S THE TRUMPETS AND FIREWORKS AND ANGELS SINGING? Where's the solemn hitting a stamp that reads "APPROVED"?
I leave the consulate about 90 minutes after entering it. I then remember that this is the point where I'm supposed to become uberly happy, so I do. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!

Cut the ropes

2010-08-14T05:02:00.001-08:00

I had a photographer friend over for two days, and it was even more fun than expected. We spontaneously did a photo shoot of each other, and taking pictures again after so long really awoke a craving for owning a DSLR again. I suppose that'll have to wait until Berlin in January - I might just contact a couple photographers on the road, though, so I can repeat the shootshoot experience. Elena isn't done with the pictures of me yet, but here's my part of the outcome:

I'm not fully realizing that I'm leaving on a grand trip in two weeks, and that I'm never coming back here. I reconnected with old friends really well during my three months here, and I made some pleasant new ones, but they were always overshadowed by the fact that I'd be leaving soon. I'm greatly looking forward to travelling for this long, but I'm also happy to have decided to settle down in Berlin for a while - at least a year if I get film internships. I wasn't into Berlin all that much since I imagined it to be dirty and trashy, but even if it does have these characteristics, it's so versatile that they're easy to overlook. I'm excited. :)

Bird's Nest In A Crematory

2010-08-08T14:26:00.000-08:00

The shoot was... one of a kind.

I had a lot of work and a lot of responsibility, which was good. Learnt a lot too, etc etc, you know the story. (I was production manager. Which felt really cool to say.)
As usual, the fun was mainly about the people. My favorite set friend (set designer assistant) was present again, and the morning after the night she arrived (which she, as opposed to me, did not spend sleeping - that woman needs no sleep at all. It's terrifying), I was awoken with cappuccino and a chocolate croissant. I love.
I also probably met "my" D.O.P, he was a light guy there and we clicked pretty well both personally and creatively. I'm shooting my next film in Spring '11, and it will be epic. Stay tuned. I recruited myself a make up artist there too, I was massaging her back during a break while talking collaboration, and she went "Only if you pay me in massages." Done! That's the one piece of advice I give every aspiring director, go massage your crew's backs/necks (or hire someone else to do it.) Eternal love and better spirit guaranteeeed.
Now, while in fact we were all constantly stressed out, some pictures tell a different story...

And some don't...

This film too was shot on a graveyard, and we stored our catering in the fridge of a crematory. Not as creepy as it sounds, though, as it contained a real kitchen. One of the rather beautiful ironies of life was embodied by a nest full of freshly fledged birds, chirping away in that hallway.

* * *

It's exactly three weeks until I depart for Alaska. Weee! Anyone still asking how I afford that trip - I just returned from a fifteen hour waitressing shift. Nuff said.

I can hear all my friends from school laughing out loud as they read this since it's so typical of me - I'm already thinking about the trip being over, and I'm melancholy already since it looks like the last trip in a long... long... while. I have to start my film internship in January, or February 2011 *latest*, because I want to get going in the industry early, plus I want it off my chest. In order to apply to the film school I'm looking at, I need 12 months of experience, and I want that on my CV so I can move on. And I'm not sure how easy it will be to leave after that, I don't want to be forgotten by the contacts I made due to a 3 month absence.

But I shall now make a strong effort to not ponder on the future, enjoy my upcoming trip as much as I can, and then worry about the next step. One at a time.

Someone in Australia once told me: "All that *exists* is now. No past, because it's gone. No future, because everything can change. You only have now."

Since a little dreamy un-serious planning makes me happy though - my top 5 next destinations, in rough order of preference, would be:

a) Southeast Asia, currently especially keen on Cambodia

b) Burning Man Festival

c) New Orleans for Mardi Gras

d) Eastern Europe in a VW bus

e) Italy... or Russia

What's your Top 5? :)

Digging Graves In Pouring Rain

2010-07-26T11:53:00.000-08:00

After two full (I mean full) days of waitressing that stressed me out to the point where my hands were shaking of bad adrenaline, I arrived in Ludwigsburg once again. Ludwigsburg has a film school that I plan on applying to in 2 years, so the reason I'm here so frequently is to assist with student productions.
While I had high hopes of having one position on set this time, I might wind up having about three. That's not unusual with short films, but it would have been nice to be able to concentrate on one job. Nevermind!

We are shooting at a graveyard once again, and there's an empty meadow specifically for us to design. Since the set designer was busy building a grave for the studio, it was the DOP (who is really cool) and me who were to drive there and try building them. Since it has been hotter than in years the past few days, the earth was so dry it's impossible to try digging, so we put some soil on top of the lawn and decorated it instead. Doesn't look as realistic, but was the only way. Problem is - we need about 8 graves, and it took us 2-3 hours to make only one, and that one isn't even finished. So I volunteered to join the set designer and assistant tomorrow and help them build a graveyard instead of driving actors around, after all it might come in handy one day... ;)
Needless to say, it has been raining cats, dogs and cattle today, and of course I didn't have a rain jacket or anything. Let's hope tomorrow won't be similar!

The DOP has just returned from a documentary shoot on sexual offenders in Miami. When you get sentenced for a sexual offense and are set "free" for trial - the jails are too full so they switch to GPS ankle bracelets - you cannot go near schools, kindergardens, parks etc., so in Miami the only place you can be is under a certain bridge. And since some offenders certainly haven't deserved any better, there are cases of teenage love where the girl's parents press charges on her older boyfriend and the like, and he is a "sex offender" for life and will never live a normal life with a proper job. She said the film will probably be finished at the end of this year, and I can't wait to see it.

After having started to make my peace with the fact that getting a working visa for Vancouver or Seattle might just be too hard, this made me really crave for an internship abroad again. And, honestly, even though I'm a big fan of this film school I might not want to work in Germany forever, so establishing some contacts and exploring the industry abroad wouldn't be too stupid an idea. After all, it's all about the people you know, and I don't feel like moving somewhere in my thirties and having to start anew. Decisions decisions.
But for now, I need a vacation, and I'm love deprived, so I'll concentrate on nothing but my upcoming trip and let life take care of itself. It always does.

If this is in vain I'll commit a severe felony

2010-07-23T11:25:00.000-08:00

I am dead exhausted. Working three jobs. Dealing with a gazillion issues.

At my waitressing job, we have a new boss, who likes giving orders just for the sake of it. If you are at a table with a cloth and a bucket, he will actually make the effort to stop by and tell you to clean the tables. He also found it appropriate to call me "little mouse" once. Do I call you fucking squirrell? This is not professional, my dear. One of our best waitresses, who has worked there for 10 years, has quit because she didn't see why she should put up with his behaviour, and if I didn't need the money for my trip, I would damn well do the same.
But everytime he is being unfriendly, I recite my "Hawaii Hawaii Hawaii" mantra with teeth clenched. I have five more weeks left in this town, then I'm gone for good, and I really need the money to convince the immigration officers I'm totally able to travel without working illegally.
I also teach English again, which is twice the money per hour but it bores me to death. And I'm noticing that a hands-on job is becoming to me in terms of taking the strudel out of my head and becoming a bit more humble as I hoped.
And then there's the upcoming film job of course, which I am excited about but they are demanding more than I can offer at this point; on odd hour workdays you only have limited time to help finding crew members. I understand they're stressed, but I am too. And my being there actually costs me money since it's unpaid and time off my café job, but I need both references and contacts for my future.
Since all of this isn't nearly bad enough, my parents discovered I took part of my college money (that I *still* only need to convince the visa people and won't have to spend) and are severely unamused about that.
Look - they HAVE to let me make that trip. I've got my interview in 4 weeks - ten days before I depart!

Another part of nervousness has, for now, come to and end though, as SPC Charming is back in the US as of todaaay! Nobody can imagine what it does to me that I'm not there to pick him up. I tried booking a flight to Hawaii a good while ago, but it was way too expensive, and I tried finding something super-last-minute but that was no different. July will stay summer will stay tourist season will stay expensive.
37 until I depart for Alaska. 101 days until I see him.

Sarggeflüster

2010-07-18T14:25:00.000-08:00

Came back from another Ludwigsburg shoot this morning, tired and happy. The director recruited me at the set of "Der Hutmacher", it was a nice shoot, too. I was originally hired as a costume designer but didn't wind up doing it for whatever reason, so the first two days consisted of driving equipment and taking naps in-between scenes. Hey, we were getting up at 4 am and I was told "There's too many people on set!", sleeping is entirely justified.

The third day featured about 12 extras who were mostly elderly people and definitely didn't expect a 12 hour day when they agreed to join the film. That was the fun part though, since I got the approval to direct the extras on my own :) We shot a funeral scene so I asked them who the dead person was and where they knew her from, plus working out a backstory with everyone so we'd have different facettes of grief and sadness.

Superclose to the end, we had a march scene and a couple of us were asked to block the ways so nobody would run through the shot. Almost done, extras grumpy, crew all stressed, this Swabian gramma comes up and starts closing the cemetary gates.

ME: Excuse me, do you know there's a film being shot here?
HER: I know nothing!
ME: Well, there's a film academy short being filmed today, we have a permit too, and we're not done yet. Can you please leave the gates open? We can close them later on.
HER: Uh...huh... well I come here every day and it's always open and I don't think that's right.
ME: Why do you think so?
HER: I mean, well, it just can't be open all the time.
She starts walking toward the path.
ME: Sorry, you can't go there now, you'd be in the picture.
HER: I always go here.
ME: That's ok, but please wait for the director to call "Cut", it won't be two minutes.
HER: I can't care about that, I always go here.
ME: Well, could you go this way then?
HER: No, leave me alone, I always go here and if you hadn't been here and seen me then I would go too so leave me alone.
THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR LADY, TO SEE YOU!
She's not only old, but also Swabian. Deadly mixture when it comes to anything with changing the routine.
I suppose they are where a lot of clichés about Germans come from, and like Americans say "Krauts" to Germans Croatians/Serbians/Bosnians call everyone a "Svabo", a Swabian.
I parked my car at 5.55 pm, and it's free from 6. Five minutes to six, a meter maid arrived to check the cars.
My, my.

But in the end, it was a nice overall experience. Even though my car couldn't handle the equipment weight and decided to stop halfway up the hill. Good times.

Instead of going out with the girls I had an appointment with the director of another film I'll be at in two weeks, and it was grand. I had been working as a production assistant and we met up just to get to know each other and decide what my position will be on set, and *drumroll* I landed 1. Assistant Director. :D
I'm really excited since it's a script I like, and the director and I communicate perfectly. He also explicitly asked me to not only do technical stuff but also give him creative input, which is a trigger for the corners of my mouth to go waaaay up. And he lives in Berlin, which I'm moving to next year, and is preparing a feature. And since I love his style of films and directing and we get along so well, there might be further collaboration going down. Yet I'll wait until the actual shoot to make any serious statements.

I've got a recording of a conversation I had with someone while driving them. Sadly I only got one part, but it gives you a pretty good picture of how full of conspirancy a head can be. Or maybe he's right? I'm currently transcribing it, so I will post the file uncommented with altered voice and subtitles in the next few days. He's a Turkish guy who really, really got set off when I mentioned America.

Looking at how well my film career is going, I'm almost bummed that I'm leaving so soon for so long. But then, considering not to... naaaaah.

2010-07-10T06:57:00.000-08:00

Oh Travel, How I Need Thee!

2010-07-08T14:12:00.002-08:00

I'm having my first CouchSurfer over tonight :) He arrived this afternoon, I showed him downtown Speyer and we sat by the Rhine for a chat. Tomorrow morning he's off early so it was just a bit of relaxed, easy time. Quite nice to have somebody around, too. I just like people.

Starting in London, he cycled all the way down England, hopped on a ferry to the Netherlands and got to Germany by bike. He plans to reach the French alps in a bit more than a week, which as initially his final destination. Now he's contemplating to catch a train to Italy, cycle down Italy, hop on a ferry to Croatia and ride up to Romania, where he lived for a year working as an English teacher. Exciting! I adore meeting people with crazy travel plans :) And Europe really is the perfect place for such endeavours. I mean, just look at it:

So much culture so closely together! I plan on doing a European Road Trip myself in a couple of years, and I'm very much looking forward to that. I also need to get to know Germany better (great thing to realize before going away for a year.) A friend of mine is doing her Germany Tour this summer, and visiting me as a last stop before heading back home in August. Wee! :D

***

I was looking at some pictures of Alaskan villages today, and I'm starting to get really excited about this trip. I'm not fully realizing any of it yet.

Alaska

Vancouver

Hawaii

US Road Trip,

featuring Las Vegas, San Diego, San Francisco, L.A., Portland and Seattle.

Aaaaaaaah!!!!! I was/am so consumed by visa and money worries that I didn't even have time or space to be excited about this trip I'm taking. Now that I look at it, it's frickin' incredible.

I've been asked how I afford a four and a half month vacation multiple times, and never know what to answer. Well, I work a job I don't particularly love here for three months, teach some English for extra money, take a bit of college money and sell my belongings. You could do it, if you wanted to. I stumbled across this image the other day that said: "Sometimes, late at night, it just hits me. This is my life and I can do whatever I want."

I'm living a life I wouldn't have thought possible three months ago. The travelling I like doing is cheap for the most part. I will use couchsurfing only, and I'm very good at eating on a shoestring. For getting around, find a shared ride instead of flying. Cook for yourself and try to stay in one place for at least three days so you can buy the bigger, cheaper box of what you need. Go camping. Hike instead of going to the movies. If you really think of it, you'll find a way to travel that suits both your personality and your budget.

People tell me "But it's not that easy.", and I used to think that too.

It is easy. Believe me.

Der Hutmacher

2010-07-06T14:21:00.002-08:00

Returned from Ludwigsburg as usual: Exhausted but accomplished, with a lot of new experience and people in my suitcase :)
We were shooting in a studio, for only a day, in great relaxed atmosphere. My job was to break it... ;) It was my first gig as a non-assistant, I was the production manager whose job mainly is to tell people to hurry up no matter whether we *are* actually running late.

The caterer was also a student director and asked me whether I could help with her film, too. She's shooting next week and needed a costume designer. Cool!

I also happened to chat to the director of my first film job (did Script/Continuity then) about my moving to Berlin next summer, and she goes "Oh, that's when I'm shooting my feature." All positions are *paid.* I told her there will be no other 1. Assistant Director but me. Man, a PAID position on a FEATURE is a goddamn DREAM. So all I have to take care about now is landing a Vancouver internship. :)

***

I arrived home to find a package from Amazon. SPC Charming ordered me an arctic temperature sleeping bag while he was still in Iraq, because he doesn't want me to be cold in Alaska. Gotta love that guy.

He also bought my XM2 so I could just buy it back whenever I had the money together. Little pawn shop arrangement. I don't actually need as much money to spend during my Trans-American adventure, but I do need to convince the visa people and immigration officers that I don't plan to take any illegal work over there which is done most easily by having a wee bit of money on ya.

Speaking of money, I was offered 15.000 € + expenses to become a surrogate mother for a gay couple from work. Wait, what? Yeah. I turned it down as I wouldn't have the emotional strength, let alone the time to do it, but it was a peculiar incident. Some of the people I mentioned it to got upset and called it a "highly immoral" offer, do you think so? I don't really see anything wrong with it at this point, if you're not exploiting a woman in need. Thoughts? I love ethical discussions.

It's ex-boy's birthday tomorrow and I made a killer cake with estimated sixty gazillion calories. Strawberry cream, three layers of raspberries, hazelnut icing and brittle. We's a gonna die. Some time has passed since we last met so I'm interested in what tomorrow's going to be like. I'm a little disappointed in our lack of communication but since that's among the main reasons for the split it doesn't surprise me, we'll see.

Got my first couchsurfer coming the day after tomorrow. Muchly looking forward to hosting! :D

Germanys'a kick thy arse!

2010-06-27T13:01:00.000-08:00

FOUR TO ONE!!!! SUCK IT, ENGLAND!!!!!!!!111111elevenone

So, yeah, I don't watch the world cup. Honestly.
At work yesterday, which was sucky enough due to a certain colleague whose love to watch people suffer pairs well with her Eastern European short-temperedness. (I'm allowed to say that as I originate from there as well.)
For today, though, I was told to wear extra-light clothing and super-comfortable shoes as it's going to be *living hell.*

It wasn't.

The place was crammed, granted, but most things went fine, there were enough waitresses and barkeepers to run the café properly. Nobody was being particularly unfriendly either. And then whenever Germany scored the entire place *exploded!* I love watching people in strong emotions, you don't seem allowed to show any nowadays so it makes me happy when I get to witness this rare sight. Thus I only saw the game by coincidence, but I liked it. Maybe now that things are getting serious I should pick it up? You know, so I don't feel all pretentious when I join the enthusiasm incase we actually win.

Another thing I really like and usually miss is national pride in Germany. People are usually too scared of it for obvious reasons but I'd rather have people get over history other nations have gotten over before and realize that saying "I love my country" doesn't mean "Your country sucks and I'll kill your people with dull knives and flame throwers."

http://waldointernationalclub.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/world_cup_2006_german_fans_at_bochum.jpg

Aside of that, life promises to be pretty damn exciting throughout the entire rest of the year.

I have to take care of my US visa and I'm entirely broke, which qualifies as a problem since the application costs you money plus you need to prove you can afford your stay by bank statements and the like. So I will probably take a good deal of college money and throw it onto my account, plus sell my video camera (anyone interested in a Canon XM2 with a loooot of accessories, by any chance?) plus keep earning money as a busser of course. *No* idea at all what I'll do if I fail to get one, it will ruin my, like, life.

I have two film gigs coming up, too. One is a studio shoot this weekend, the director (a girl who studies Film Editing at the film school I want to attend, but everbody needs to walk a mile in every profession's shoes in the first year) is supercute and I have about four jobs on set now, we're getting along great and she seems thankful for the help. I love when film crews become friends who manage this project together.

The other one is a one week CineMasterClass production and I'm helping find sponsors which I've never done before, but which will come in handy when I do my next own project. It's great when you get to learn a lot rather than get people coffee ;)

There's also people visiting soon :D One girl I know from my photographer days is doing a Germany tour and I invited her to stop by and she will! Gonna be two nice days of showing her around picturesque Speyer and picnicking and taking pictures, really looking forward to that.

And I also got my first ever Couchsurfing request which I happily accepted, a nice couple who's doing a bike tour along the Rhine. Looking forward to being a CS host for the first time!

Other than that, I love my new apartment and it's almost sad I'll only be here for two more months. But I'm definitely looking forward as hell to my transamerican adventure, especially the two months from Hawaii on.

SPC Charming is now, by the way, promotable and will probably be SGT Charming by the time I see him. Wee! He's leaving Iraq for Kuwait tomorrow which I'm excited about as it's one step closer to home, but I'm also more of a grumpy bitch as it means no more than a short phone call every now and then as opposed to happily sacrificing sleep in favor of talking through the night. Someone needs to write down this hell of a cheesy story at some point.

Life's ridiculously nice! :)

The single worst thing about waitressing

2010-06-22T16:26:00.000-08:00

is when you break a glass and all the old men fucking go "OOOOOOOOH *APPLAUSE*"

Brave New Person

2010-06-22T05:33:00.001-08:00

I'm currently moving into a new space in a village next door. I'm already sleeping there, and will post pictures when it's all furnished and decorated. I love it!

Today, as I was at the bank down the road, discovering that after booking the Anchorage flight, I was left with nothing *at all*, a former acquaintance of mine walked in. Both of us struck by surprise, we stood there talking for surely 20 minutes.
We had been friends in primary school and met again when we were... sixteen?, but our contact stayed restricted to talks in class. She was anorexic and soon had to leave school due to extended hospital stays, and all we got was an occasional post card or text message. I knew that she had returned quite a bit of time ago, but we hadn't stayed in touch. She had been utterly consumed by learning, there was little to talk about with her and today, she admitted herself that thinking back, she was living a boring, unfulfilled life.
What progress she has made, though! After trying long distance home schooling, she is now attending regular school again, doing her driver's license and concentrates on living rather than grades more, too. You can also see a change physically, besides gaining weight she's also wearing colorful clothes and radiates happiness much, much more than before. Inspiring. We discovered that we live very close now, and will definitely be having coffee more than once. There's also been thoughts about a weekend in France (I'm there within an hour by car), but after seeing my financial status we'll have to see how that goes.
I'm actually fascinated enough to consider filming a little documentary on her. Might propose the idea over some coffee this week.

La dolce Vita

2010-06-17T09:29:00.002-08:00

So, I have more or less covered the important parts about what has been going on and can now fiiinally talk about things a little more up to date. Quick outline of my life at the moment.

#1. Working

Sunday: Decide to get a job
Monday: Have a job interview
Tuesday: Start working.

I landed myself a waitressing job at a cool café/bar in my hometown. I've been wanting to do "this kind of job" for a while, and I thoroughly enjoy it. Does get straining at times, but hey, everybody else is sweating and hungry too, so I understand if people get stressed. And everytime it gets rough, I think about #2.
There's a young fat Turkish cook who's hitting on me real bad, and I believe he has a thorough foot fetish. Please don't ask me how I found out. But it gets me free restaurant food, so hey, whatever.

#2. Travelling

Keeping my never ever ever again book a return flight, this is just a rough outline and nothing except the first ticket has been purchased, but:

29. 08. Anchorage
Revel in the beauty of Alaska's nature, meet who seem to be the friendliest people on the planet and possibly work a little bit in order to not starve and die and have my carcass eaten by a bear.

11. 10. Vancouver
Familiarize myself with the city and decide on whether I want to stay there for half a year. Pretty sure I do. Enjoy the outdoors, work on a few film sets and have job interviews at film production companies.

01. 11. Honolulu
Meet previously mentioned soldierfriend and have a blast and lay on the beach and have cocktails and love life. And possibly work a little bit in order to not starve and die and have my carcass eaten by a shark.

18. 11. Las Vegas
Pack the guy and my bags and set off on our long-planned 4 week roadtrip up to Seattle/Vancouver. Meet his family on the way and have a blast and sing songs around the campfire and love life.

After that? No idea. I'm pretty sure I'm staying in the US till after New Year's, so in mid-January I will either bawl my eyes out and head back to Germany or move to Vancouver for a 6 month film production intership.
Will be good.

#3 Film

Sic Transit Gloria (see video in the navigation bar) is beeing screened on Shqip film fest, Kosovo, in mid-July. I want to go, and a friend of mine (who usually never keeps promises so let's see) would want to as well. "What happens in Kosovo stays in Kosovo" he said, which sounds very awesomely Let's Act Our Age for me. (Don't worry, he's taken)

I also went to a student film screening at the film school I'd most like to attend on Tuesday. It had the expected effect on me, which was "OMFG OMFG OMFG I need to get going!!!!!!1111", but after reading the student biographies and reminding myself of how young I am, I went back to just enjoying the films.
It was nice to be there and surely inspiring. When I got home, I applied for two more film gigs as an assistant and got both of them :D and I fiiiinally have a new idea for an actually makeable short film. Today at work, they had me sit at the bar for an hour before I started since there wasn't any work to do, and I was luckily able to use the time to outline it. Let's see when I get to actually shoot the next one though...

#4 Photographerladies MeetUp

I used to be part of an online photography community, and several girls there decided to organize a ladies only meetup. The first one was, I believe, in Winter 2008? Anyway, it was a lot of fun so it's being done about twice a year now, and last week (=long weekend) it was held again.
I started the day by rushing to the hospital all cringed due to a kidney infection, which is evil evil evil pain. But I got medication so went anyways, and survived pretty okay. The girls were supercute in caring and making sure I was wearing socks and that the hot water bottle was always hot enough. Lovely :)
I also got to be photographed by whom I'd been wanting to be shot for a long time. Good times. Here's some results!

That should be about it, roughly. I'm uber-happy about the travel plans and some interpersonal developments. I pretty much look like the second last picture all the time. Life's amazing.

Love!

A Milkshake and a Break-Up

2010-06-15T14:49:00.000-08:00

So he picked me up from the airport along with my grandpa and my dad, and we drove home.
After having lunch with the family, we took some time to relax before we decided to drive around a little. Since we got the car late, we only made it to a Drive In Burgerking, which is located right at a hardware store with a huge parking lot. So we got our milkshakes and parked the car. Silence.

"Do you think this thing with us is still working?", I asked. Silence. "Cause I'm having my doubts." Silence. Then: "Yeah... Me too." So we started talking. Hesitatingly at first, nobody really pronouncing it, but we knew the time had come. We agreed on everything there was; I was not going to stay at home and he wasn't going to travel with me. And both of us needed to take care of their own lives, with him concentrating on his studies and me concentrating on travelling, my filmmaking career and generally, the good life. I was surprised at how well and calm everything went down, and it seemed that it was just overdue. I had sensed something while I was still in Australia which was the reason I didn't extend my stay - I wanted to either be single and go about my business or be in a happy, commited relationship - and I never, ever, ever wanted that to happen to me again. I also knew that we would never be able to do the travelling that I loved together, it wasn't his cup of tea - he'd never been gone for longer than two weeks, and he'd never been gone on his own either, and everytime I brought something up he didn't seem too excited. I'm also planning to do a 6 month internship in Vancouver and considering applying to film schools abroad too, and I wanted a location independent life that wouldn't have made him happy. I'm not mad about this at all, everybody has their own interests and priorities and ours just didn't seem to match anymore. He wasn't going to hold me back and I wasn't going to force him.
So we split up in the most friendly way, still talking normally and seeing each other every now and then.
Since we had been separated for so long anyways and had seen it coming and still stay a part of each other's life there was a lot less break-up pain that I had expected. We knew it was the right choice, and drove off the parking lot as friends, with Florence And The Machine's "Cosmic Love" blasting out of the speakers.

Melbourne, #2

2010-06-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

And so with red eyes and a heavy heart, I arrived in Melbourne. I had slept throughout the entire flight, and since I had also managed to lose my glasses and couldn't wear contacts while sleeping, I was not only dizzy, but also seeing impaired.
Since I arrived at 6.30 in the morning, I needed to catch a cab to my relatives' place. Too early a wake-up.
Now, *somehow*, *somewhere*, I lost my camera. Yes sir, the SLR. Whether it was on the plane or in the cab, not the slightest idea, all I noticed that it was gone and that it was too late.

When I arrived at the house, I had an entire bedroom with a king size doublebed to myself. No sounds, no people. It felt so lonely I could have cried.
As I got up, my cousin told me he had to work and study throughout the entire time I was there, so we couldn't really do anything together. In my head, it echoes "Why don't you stay in Perth till after the weekend, we'll go to Margaret River and I'll make up for the missed surfing lesson.", as he explains the TV system to me. Fuck.
I send a message to James, a fellow receptionist from the hostel next door in Perth who had arrived in Melbourne a week before me. "Get a tram or bus to town. I found the comfiest chairs in the world in Fed Sq and it's indoors in the warm... Cmon.", he replies, and I pack my bags. It's 4pm.
By the time I arrive on Fed Sq., it's 6.30.
The chairs are taken, sadly, but we go about walking a bit, and spot a Ferris Wheel. "I've never been on a Ferris Wheel", James goes, but we dismiss it as a tourist extravaganza until we see it's only a couple bucks. So we get in, and the cabin is kinda shaky, but I bite my tongue and try to take it like a maaan. "I'm fucking terrified right now, by the way", he goes. "ARE YOU KIDDING?!", I say and we both cling to each other as the wheel starts. Ended up being fun anyways.
He had to work at 10 pm, and I wasn't ready to leave already, so I accompanied him to St. Kilda, a sceny alternative kind of part of town. His boss was there so I decided to wait in McD for an hour until he left, but he didn't, so I decided to go to sleep myself. James gave me the card and key for his hostel - I didn't feel like a) doing the entire trip home and b) preferred stinky noisy hostels.
French guy hitting on me pretty hard. Slept with a knife.
(I did notice the change of tense, sorry.)
Next day, we actually managed to get concession we didn't deserve on movie tickets and *still* couldn't afford them. I mean, 18$?!

I spent my last two days at my other cousin's place, who is too lovely to believe. She has four kids and is hopelessly devoted to them, while still managing to live a life of her own and being a cool and happy person. Quite a role model, I'd say. She only had one, 9 year old, daughter who quite loved me since I was the only female relative around ;) I was very happy those two days, was made feel very comfortable and cared for, and we had some precious conversations with advice I'll sure remember.
The next morning, she drove me to the airport, and that was the end of my trip.

Perth, my Love Love Love Love Love.

2010-06-06T16:10:00.000-08:00

I returned home last week, but I don't feel like I can post anything else of what has been going on since before I honored Australia's best town in the world with a post that can't do it justice. Cheesy, much?

I met a nice German girl at the airport upon leaving Alice Springs, but we didn't make any plans on hanging around together before we met again at the exit of Perth airport, me fiddling with a map trying to figure out where the hell to go and her having a plan, so she took me with her. See? Things always take care of themselves.
We ended up enjoying Perth together for two weeks, until she left for Thailand like everybody else.
I think my favorite story is how we randomly walked 3 km into Kings Park the day I got a positive phone call about a job. We enjoyed the nice weather and the beautiful nature for a bit, then decided to look for a shorter route because we couldn't be bothered walking the same way back.
We ended up walking ten kilometers.

So I started being a receptionist at a nice little hostel in a very lively area and adored it to pieces. We only had ten rooms, so I knew everyone by name and we all got along perfectly. I had made a resolution to learn to let go of people and not take anybody's contact details, but realized that it was silly. Some relationships don't translate to E-Mail, and some should stay mere memories, but I met friends I'd like to keep and got a whole bunch of invitations, too.
I got so used to having people around I knew I was going to miss it long before I left. Falling asleep for a nap seemed easiest on the couch in the common area with music and people around. Falling asleep at night ended up being impossible with ear plugs and eye mask, and I found myself preferring the night club noises from next door and people watching tv in our room to silence.
It even went so far that when I got to Melbourne and spent one night in my own room, in a comfy bed, at my aunt's place, I packed my bags and slept in a hostel downtown the next day.

I had met a friend's friend one friday night, and we ended up being the last ones up drinking and talking, and he talked me into letting him teach me how to surf. We agreed that he'd pick me up at noon the next day.
He didn't, because all he remembered was us talking about the general idea, not actually making an appointment. As he was told, he felt "like a kingsize turd", and took me out for dinner a couple nights later.
(That dinner was fantastic. Especially after my 3$ food budget. He also had this amazing Margaret River red wine on him, but he needed to drive, so I obviously couldn't let him have too much of it, so I took responsibility and got very, very tipsy. Instead of trying to hit on me, though, he took me for a walk to sober up, which made me proud of the human race.)

During my last week, I organized a Free Hugs Campaign, which deserves its own post.
The day I left was spent with the people I did it with. We went down to Cottesloe Beach with no real plans to go swimming, i.e. nobody brought a towel, but we ended up in the water anyways after one of us made a start and the others, who were planning to stay in only knee-deep water, were voted down by a big huge wave that got us too wet to not go for a bath. It was my first time in Australian water, and it was magnificent.
They stayed at the beach to watch the sunset, and I left for the train station to get back to the hostel as I was leaving in 4 hours.
A guy that sounded like a black fella with an Irish accent said: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened", which might just about be the most valuable piece of advice anybody has ever given me. I can honestly say I tried. Saying goodbye to everyone with hugs and kisses went fine. But then I sat in the bus and looked out of the window and saw all of them standing there waving... That killed me, and I didn't stop crying for two hours because I couldn't believe I was leaving a place that made me so happy.

I could pretty much cry right now.

Red Red Centre

2010-05-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

The fact that this blog hasn't been updated in a while hints at the amazingness of my travels.
I'll give a quick itinerary update for the past couple of weeks:

Outback Camping Tour - The tour was beautiful and sooo much nicer than the first one I did. It included some nice, proper hikes with a scenery to die for. When I was at Kata Tjuta, I kept thinking of how many people back home would have been jealous, sweating in their offices while I was enjoying this view.
The godforsaken flies are a major nuisance, though. I did wear a fly net, which made it a bit more bearable, and added to being stunned at what you see - after seeing through a net for half an hour, clear view feels like HD TV.
About Uluru, I did not care much. We only did the base walk around it, which was the ten most boring kilometers in a while - nice in the beginning, but repetitive, and it's absolutely flat. People walk it in flip flops, that's how flat it is. The climb was closed since a poor fella had died of a heart attack half the way up, and the Aboriginals were performing a 'Sorry Ceremony', which means beating each other up with rocks and sticks until they bleed in order to release the spirit of the deceased. Can you imagine how pissed one would be? They ask people not to climb it, and then that tourist does, dies, and possibly causes the death of your family members or even yourself (which means it has to be done all over again.)
I found a small pond with a colony of what I believed to be four-leaf clovers, and not realizing taking things from a National Park is a pretty bad idea, I sacked one to give to previously mentioned soldierfriend for his second deployment. When we visited the Cultural Centre, though, there was a folder with a lot of letters explaining how people who had collected soil or rocks were cursed with bad luck, which made me panic even though I don't believe in anything like it. I ran to the counter anyways and urged them to put the clover (which turned out to be no clover at all) back. Uncool.
The third day consisted of a hike through Kings Canyon which I can only recommend, after the first part (it's called Heart Attack Hill) it's nothing but enjoyable. I just love having to climb over rocks in order to get to my destination, it gives me a sense of accomplishment rather than relief it's finally over once I'm there. And it's simply more fun.
There are some crazy trees that store water in their trunks and branches, so when you shake one and hold you ear against it you can hear it streaming. And one of the coolest spots for messing around with echoes I've ever been to!
I loved the camping part - we slept in sleeping bags and swags, which are basically big canvas sleeping bags with a thin mattress in them. It was beautiful to close your eyes right underneath the starlit sky, even though your neck and back didn't like it all the time. I was disappointed with how many facilities there were though, we had real showers and toilets and running water and soap. I would have enjoyed a bit more of wilderness, but I guess not everyone would agree there.
Our guide was absolutely pleasant. She was a woman from New Zealand with a strong accent (fush and chups for dunner!) and a great dry sense of humour. She established the tradition that anyone who broke a rule or was last on the bus had to eat a spoonful of Vegemite. I was the only one who didn't mind ;)

After that, I spent another night in Alice which is less scary once you get used to it (and wear sunglasses which solves the where-to-look problem) and then flew into Perth, which is where I am right now and loving it to the fullest. But that's material for the next post. Cheers!

Welcome to Scarytown.

2010-04-22T02:39:00.000-08:00

I arrived in Alice Springs this morning.
You know... When they told me there was nothing around, I didn't think they meant there is NOTHING around.
Looking out of the window during the flight and seeing the vast vastness of the outback really got me scared to get lost there. I mean, sure, whay should I get lost there, but...
My one and only actually made me watch a 1 hour video on Survival in the Australian Outback because he had the same concerns when I left. Hehe.

Anyways, Alice has a weird atmosphere. My hostel is situated very close to the center, but during the 15 minute walk to the supermarket you see about 100 Aboriginals, scattered all over the place, sitting on streets and in front of shops. None of them really tried to make any contact, and I've been told they keep to themselves, but I still feel awkward walking by - especially since I don't know where to look. If I look at them, I stare, and if I look away, I ignore them... I'm just uncomfortable. But it's probably a valuable experience for a white girl to feel out of place for once.

I booked a 3 day tour around the Outback. I don't really care all too much about Ayers Rock, but it's one of the things you've gotta do, and I'm really looking forward to the bush camping part. I'll be back in Alice on Monday Evening and on Tuesday I'm gone for good. I don't want to stay in a place in which I'm too afraid to wander around the streets, and there's not much to do anyways. Thought I could get some writing done in this vastness of nothing, but I feel like I'm wasting time and money. So I'm off to Perth, the holiday part, staying around there for about three weeks or so and working. I met a couple of girls in Adelaide (was nice and pretty, not much to tell) who cleaned the hostel and stayed there for free, so that's my plan. My current dream job is cleaning lady or waitress. Ain't I humble? I don't want to be "too good" to do any kind of work, and as a friend of mine said, labour is good for the soul.

---

On an entirely different note - I've been thinking about this for months and today, while I was at the Gate in Adelaide Airport, I decided to go for it. There is a military hospital in Landstuhl, which is not far from my hometown. US Soldiers who got severely wounded in the Middle East go there for stabilization before they're in the condition to be flown to America. A very close friend of mine is in Iraq at the moment, and he was actually the one that brought it up on a sidenote, probably not being all that serious about it.
Anyways, today, when I arrived in Alice, I shot them a clumsy email asking in which ways I could volunteer.
My aunt in Melbourne actually works as a pastoral care worker and I'm currently reading her first novel which features that topic, and that was probably the one little push I needed to actually apply.
They replied within one hour, and they seem to be absolutely open to the idea - I offered completing an assistant nurse training course or just sitting with them and having a chat, because mundane small talk actually seems to mean a lot to them.
However, they require a DOD ID card, which is difficult for me to acquire since I'm neither American nor in the US Army nor married to someone who is. They referred me to the Security Department, so I'll need to convince them I won't "blow the place up" as above close army friend put it, who was kind of surprised I'm actually going for it.
All that trouble, and I want to volunteer... What can I say, I'm into it :D

Hope you're all supergood and in the mood to tell me about it.

2 day hike my ass.

2010-04-20T17:58:00.000-08:00

The bus was crowded, apparently for the first time in history. We were 24 people plus the driver.
I liked the beginning a lot. We drove down Great Ocean Road, stopped at a beach and some... place that had wild koalas. I spotted about three! :D There were also some amazingly colorful birds around, one actually nested in my hair. I have a video that I shall upload at some other point :)

After lunch, though, I was gradually becoming more grumpy. We spent very little time at the places we visited, the driver was okay but not so friendly at points and spoke in such a terrible way I twitched every time he opened his mouth. Very...slow...okaaay....and... made terrible noises of his tongue sticking to the top of his mouth.
The 12 Apostles were beautiful. The moment I arrived there, though, I felt so dirty a tourist I just wanted to grab my bags and run away. People EVERYWHERE. No walking around, only one path around viewing platforms and always people in the way of your pictures.
I have a lot to tell in very short 4 $/hour time, so excuse my rushed writing.

Anyways, the hostel we arrived in at night was cosy, but a little dirty, and one girl in my dorm actually had a little spider in her bed. I fell asleep terrified not to wake up again, because, you know me, and because Australian spiders actually are that poisonous. The place was next to a National Park, to add some excuse to my hysteria.
The next morning I did get to actually WALK a little instead of sitting in a bus all godforsaken day. The Grampians are pretty, the tour was limited to the tourist trail of course, but when we walked down to McKenzie Falls I opted for the "hard" route. Well, hard... but at least it's something.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed all the beautiful places I saw on the way and I do feel lucky to have this opportunity, because I know some people would die to do this instead of sweating in their offices right now.
But I was led to believe I was going to hike the Great Ocean Road, and it hurts to rush by beautiful places and only take quick snapshots instead of experiencing your surroundings. That's all.

I'm in my Adelaide hostel right now. Departing for Alice Springs in the morning, and then walking around town asking people whether I could do some waitressing or roommaiding at their place, please. I calculated my daily budget, and it's rather tight. With what I have at the moment, I could either go home earlier or stay as long as I planned to, but be stuck to major cities and not get to go trekking and bush camping and diving, or do all/some of these and go home earlier.
What made the big difference is that I banked on some CouchSurfing at least, but there is literally nobody around, and I understood that one of my cousins lived in Perth, but he was only there for a couple of weeks and is back in Melbourne again.

I suppose I'll go figure what to cook for lunch now. I met a bunch of interesting (in both a positive and negative way) so far, but I shall dedicate a special post to Travel Encounters as soon as I have the time, i.e. free internet.

JKD Lesson #1

2010-04-18T03:01:00.000-08:00

"So, I have this dress fitting on Saturday, would you like to come and go shopping?", my cousin's girlfriend offered. "Uuuuh... I'll think about it, okay?"

A couple days after, I went to the Aquarium with my cousin (Richard) and two of his friends. We were the uttermost kids. "Woooooah look at thiiiiiis" probably made it on top of the list of phrases most used, and at sight of the penguins there, Rich was convinced they were children in costumes.
During our conversations afterwards, we started to talk about my Wing Chun, and one of his friends asked me whether I knew about JKD. I didn't, but my knees go all wobbly in excitement when he asked:
"I have a cousin who teaches it... What are you doing on Saturday?"
What can I say, I just prefer ass kicking to dress shopping :D

The lesson was amazing. We trained in a park, as JKD is traditionally not taught in a place with walls. ;)
It is an absolutely quick learn technique, it's got 5 punches and 3 kicks, and it is very effective in a street fight situation. If I had a JKD place back home, I'd definitely add it to my routine. I learnt so much in these two hours I can actually use it - the master said he could basically teach me everything there is in about 4 hours, but to be able to use it I'd obviously need to train. When I return to Melbourne I shall take a few more lessons.
Given the fact that I'm pretty good at what I've been doing so far, I think it'll make a vicious mix :D
I've been doing sports every now and then, but always stopped quickly because I got bored and didn't see any sense in it. Since I started practicing Martial Arts though, I can hardly wait until the next lesson. It's just really my thing, and I pick it up quickly.

Nine hours till I must get up for my 2 day hike. Off to more adventures!
There is only one negative side to bonding on the road - saying good bye.

Heads Up

2010-04-17T00:29:00.001-08:00

For the most part, the past week has been nothing short of fantastic. I connected with people wonderfully and had the best conversations in a long, long while, but it's difficult to go into detail here. Unlike activities and anecdotes, you can't really share "connecting with people" in an interesting way. I do have one video for you though - International Pillow Fight Day, Melbourne:

Anyways, my Melbourne time is almost up, which is good. It's only been one week, but I already feel much more relaxed and much less grumpy ;) However, I do feel the itch to move on, so:
On Monday, I'm going on a two-day hike to Adelaide via Great Ocean Road and The Grampians. Wee! I bought a little video camera here so I'll be sure to film some footage. Adelaide is just a small stop-over, it seemed rather boring to me so I'll be there for one day only. The Whispering Wall seems awesome, though! You whisper something into it and it echoes very loudly :)
On Thursday morning I'm flying to Alice Springs, and from there on it's all loose. I would love to go on a Bush tour there and camp under the stars, and I'll be sure to visit the Kangaroo Farm I mentioned, but other than that I'll just go with the flow and do whatever I feel like when I wake up.
(Not so) Surprisingly, I had quite a few film ideas already, both short and feature length, so I might just linger around and write a bit.

It's incredible that I have only been away from home for a week, and it feels absolutely unreal that I should have six more ahead of me. Strangely enough, I don't have any images or expectations, so as I said, I will just let the winds carry me. After Alice, I'm going to Perth, and as soon as I have the time to sit down and calculate a weekly budget, I'll know whether I will go to Darwin before that too. I got much more time than I thought! (I could jump in joy for being able to say that :D)

Hope everything's good at the home front!

How To Get Almost Arrested In Singapore

2010-04-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

...when you're there for only an hour. :D

Remember my last photoshoot? It took place in a forest near a military training site. While I was searching the ground for my sunglasses (they were on my jumper, d'uh), I found an empty cartridge. Because I thought that was cool, I picked it up and kept it. While I was packing for Australia, I really took care of not putting anything suspicious in my hand luggage.
I did not think of the fucking jacket.

Frankfurt security wen fine. I slept quite well, and I was seated by the aisle with even an empty seat next to me. When I asked a stewardess about the Singapore stopover, another German girl, Anna, joined us to listen. We talked a little and decided to spend the time there together.

The queue for security check was quite long when we got there, so we wandered about a bit more and were checked relatively late. When my stuff was screened, guess what showed up? A not so superfriendly staff member says: "I need to check your bag." I look at the screen and saw something that resembled a bullet, and I seriously wondered what I had in my bag that looked like one. "It's in the jacket", the other guy says.
"Oooooh! Yeah, got an empty bullet in there, throw it away, sorry." No big deal, methinks, and I hand it over to him. "Ok, we need to check. Please stand here." "Yup."
Another guy starts examining the cartridge, making phone calls, taking notes. Some time passes.
"Your boarding pass, please." "Passport, please." Tick tock. I start to get the impression this might not be as nothing of a deal as I thought. "Sorry, could you please tell me what's happening now?" "We need to check." "Okay, but I will be able to board my flight, right?" "Of that I'm not so sure", he replies and turns around.
Awesome.
Anna asks what's up. She tries to soothe me a little bit and tells me I will surely make it to the plane in time. Then she needs to run, because she's already late.
Police arrive. They were infinitely more friendly and less scary than the security staff, and the listen as I explain. More phone calls, I leave my contact data. They tell me they were going to keep the bullet and to never do anything like that in Singapore again. I rush through passport control and get on the plane just in time. I take my seat.
Woah. :D

Over and Out

2010-04-06T15:29:00.000-08:00

22 hours and 30 minutes until I'm in the airplane to Australia, and I'm getting slightly tingly. I checked in online and got aisle seats for both my flights, yay!

The weather seems to be grand in all the places I'll visit. Melbourne and Perth have an average mid-20s temperature. Alice Springs has got mid-30s. Not sure whether it is a good choice to do as much hiking and outdoors activities there as I planned, but it's imporant to me to keep a loose schedule. I'll collect a few options and then decide on doing what I feel like most, and staying in these places as long as I desire.
What's a definite though is the Kangaroo Rescue Centre visit. You can pet baby kangaroos for as long as you like (until you get knocked out by a face punch)!!!!!1111 That must be soul caressing like nobody's business.

And on Saturday, there is a Pillow Fight in Melbourne which I'm pretty sure I'll attend. They're having a Freeze Flash Mob earlier that day too, so I might participate, but maybe not. I suppose I will be heavily jet lagged, so I'll have to work around that.

I want to buy a small camcorder there too, so I might even share videos. :) I'm expecting things to be pretty grand. And I'm positive I might return home with a head full of film ideas, which is something I've been starved of for a while.
I did just see pictures of the pinnacles though, and man, I'm dragging a pretty girl in a pretty dress out there.
Speaking of which I have "redone" my Website, i.e. cleaned it up and left only a photo slideshow and a video link there because I couldn't look at swirly fonts anymore. I'll update it when I get home. Boy, there will be a lot to update!

I do plan on posting pictures and stories (and videos? :D) here every now and then, but as you all know, being online a lot while travelling is not dandy, so I might see you ...whenever! Have an awesome time and tell me about it!

(Hi Marsellus. Du bist der erste Subscriber :D)

Photoshoot Glimpse

2010-04-04T14:26:00.000-08:00

Helllllo everyone,

the shoot went quite well.
After rescheduling thrice ("Weather forecast says it's gonna rain on Saturday, do you have time on Sunday too? Cool, one o'clock?" [...] "We just went to the location and there's really nice afternoon light, could we say half past three? Awesome!) we still weren't too lucky with April weather. Even though we did stay dry, the sun/cloud interaction didn't really work the way we'd have liked it to, but I still got a few nice shots.
Since my man is still here and I'm leaving on Wednesday here be only one, but maybe, some day, you know...

I'm also heavily stocking up on audiobooks for the Australia trip. From what it looks like, I will spend about 60 hours on planes and about 20 on trains. Yippieh. I shall collect a few experience-based ideas on how not to die from boredom during such long travels and post a list upon return. :)

My favorite Friday afternoon

2010-04-02T11:34:00.001-08:00

I have a photoshoot scheduled for Sunday afternoon. I didn't take pictures for almost a year, and I didn't feel much like it since I'm short on ideas for them at the moment. I agreed to anyways, the worst case scenario is having a nice day with nice company with simple portraits as the only outcome, and that's my models' main interest this time.
So Mister and I jumped into the car and drove to a nearby forest (which is my favorite location for just about anything as you may have noticed,) and boom! Amazing sceneries everywhere, the ideas started emerging just like that. Wee hee! I'm really looking forward to Sunday now. :)

There was a military training site (fake desert i.e. pile of sand) that you can walk around on while it's not being used, and there was a big stack of tree stumps that were just too inviting for a "The one who touches the ground first loses!" game for Mister and me.

It was sooo much fun, we said "Babe, we need to do this more often" basically at the same moment.
And as I usually do when I go to naturesque places, I put a few things in my backpack and did it all while carrying it with me. It makes for some good physical training!
And as a treat for both of us doing so well, we drove to Burger King and relished ice cream and milkshakes while watching the sunset. Because that's healthy.

Letters and Luggage

2010-04-01T13:33:00.003-08:00

This has been a really nice week so far.
Several photographer ladies I've known from online for some time (and did meet before) were in the proximity of my hometown, so we nestled down in (ugly, ugly) Mannheim for some coffee and a talk. I usually go there by train, but having some equipment shopping to do, I thought it was a good idea to go by car instead. Epic thinking fail! The city does absolutely not care that people might come with their own vehicle and even intending leaving it somewhere. I didn't walk less than I usually did from the main station (and you could even take subways from there) and I spent the same amount of money for gas and parking fees, so ladies and gentlemen, take the train if you go.
Two of the photographeresses accompanied me to the store, and I must say, I've rarely experienced such friendly customer service. The guy was extremely likeable, definitely knew what he talked about and was so friendly I wanted to hug him. (I didn't.)
Of all the backpacks I tried, I really noticed the superiority of the schatzi I now call mine:

I've stuffed it with clothing and books and went for a walk with it twice so far, and I love it to pieces. You barely notice the weight (yay for hipbelts!) and you absolutely don't sweat much either.

What makes me especially proud is that I have paid it from money I have earned myself, by sitting next to unwilling kids and trying to teach them English grammar. All of that money went into the backpack, but it feels very, very mine now.

Deuter 65+15 aircontact pro sl
Photo: Wanderfritzen.de (not where I bought it)

I've had the house for myself the past few days and it was beautifully relaxing. (Or it would have been if I hadn't had the Australia To Do List on my mind all the time.)
This "morning" (3 pm... got up at 12, as I usually do on relaaaxed days) I took pen and paper and went to a café in order to write some long overdue letters. I procrastinate those things a lot because I really want them to be special, but sitting there with coffee - which is more a special treat than a habit for me - and writing with real ink on innocent (white) paper was very calming and felt really cosy. Except for the fact that the table was as high as the cushions you sat on so I had to write on my knees.
I thought about how beautiful a routine it would be to do your letter writing every sunday afternoon in a café. I would enjoy it muchly and I would write and reply in time! Alas, I'm in a long distance relationship, so weekends are strictly reserved for grooming it. I'll find another way :)
Do you have any letter writing routines? Or, do you still write oldschool letters at all? I especially like exchanging mail with online friends. It makes people feel more real, you know?

Baking Bread

2010-03-28T11:41:00.002-08:00

Each time I decide to bake something, I get all funky and excited, and each time I find myself in the kitchen, surrounded by a meee-eee-eeess, I remember why I don't do it very often. Need to work on that.
But there I was, refreshed (not) from the three hour train-ride home from Mister's with this post from Matador still in mind, so I grabbed the ingredients and my sister and decided to try it.

1. Pour flour, yeast and salt into a bowl

2. Have your younger sibling knead

3. Still manage to make a mess of yourself

4. Lay aspiring bread to rise

5. Find nothing to bake it in, bake a hippo head bread

6. Start understanding how one can refer to something so basic as "yummeeeeeeh!"

My sister asked me to include this tip: While the bread is still warm, eat it with butter. It will melt and make for an awesome tasty experience!

Conclusion:
Homemade bread is amazing. It tastes better than the bought ones (being able to eat it while it's still warm is definitely a plus!), it's a lot cheaper and you can actually control what you are eating.
As for me, though, it's quite time-consuming, mainly because of the mess I made. I'm off to cleaning that up now.

And with a Bang...

2010-03-26T12:57:00.000-08:00

it was all over.

Yesterday was prom night, and it was the last official event in my school career. I had expected it to be rather bleh, but it turned out to be a whole lot of fun, mainly because it was far more laid back than I thought. There was one mandatory dance, that's all.
We did do a Michael Jackson Flashmob that I participated in, but that was amusing rather than annyoing.

Many said they were sad, and I can understand. Those who will miss their time will miss the friends they made and met on a regular basis in class. I, however, socialised elsewhere, and school meant Friedrich Ebert and Linear Algebra waiting at home to me, so I am rather relieved I am finished with it.

I'm not very melancholy about leaving my hometown either. Even when I get the blues, I still agree that I wouldn't prefer to stay, so I'm rather looking forward to new beginnings. The only thing that was a little hard to say good bye to was my Wing Chun training group.

The next step is a journey through Australia. I had planned to start part of the 12-month internship required for Film School right away, but especially after travelling four hundred kilometers one-way to a job interview just to realize the guy hadn't even read my application ("The film I made in July --" - Oh wow, you made a film already?" Yeah, it's in the second paragraph...) I decided I really need to get away for a while. I had initially contemplated whether to go to Thailand or Alaska, but my parents offered the Land Down Under as a kind of graduation present, and that's not something I'd say no to.
I'm leaving in about two weeks and there is sooo much left to do that I didn't even get to breathe as much as I looked forward to doing after graduation.

Australia ! Eyre Peninsula South Australia
Originally uploaded by john white photos

Plans on what to do there so far:

* Hike the Great Ocean Road
* Possibly hike the Queensland Rain Forest
* Possibly do some kind of Road Trip
* Go Scuba Diving
* Go West!
* Revel on small Islands around Perth or so
* Visit Tasmania

The cities I will be staying in will probably be:

* Melbourne
* Alice Springs
* Perth

I have been to Australia on my own in 2006 already and have seen Melbourne, Brisbane and definitely enough of Sydney, but since these places were all I experienced back then (I was travelling on my own and still very young, staying with relatives in each city) I need to see more of the country than that.
After all, every bigger city looks the same, and culture isn't all that different there either.
I would also love to meet some indigenous tribes, and possibly do a project on/with them (after months of only wishing to become a vagabond and hit the roads with no plans whatsoever, I'm starting to itch again!) but I will try very hard not to put myself under pressure concerning that.

Basically - I am concentrating on life, for once!

The Dog Days Are Over!

2010-03-11T15:01:00.003-09:00

sea joy, ursprünglich hochgeladen von Dan Anderson

What price the world!